strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.


18th May 2017, 12:00 PM
<<First Latest>>
Save my Place Load my Place

Author Notes:

Nobody 18th May 2017, 12:00 PM
the end of the blame game.


t. 18th May 2017, 12:02 PM
im gonna go die this is such a good update jesus christ
t. 18th May 2017, 12:02 PM
im gonna go die this is such a good update jesus christ
t. 18th May 2017, 12:03 PM
Guest 18th May 2017, 12:22 PM
the update is so good u just had to say it twice to express yr feelings about it i agree
Nobody 18th May 2017, 7:09 PM
fen 18th May 2017, 12:04 PM
i wanna point out two things here, theyre obvious, but they seem important
1 - even though they were just violently upset and arguing, lola instantly has sugar's back and they're on the same page once an outside threat occurs
2 - this page feels like relief. like all the tension since the house scene has finally been expressed (through sugar's screaming as well as the crash) and now she is able to actually honestly say how she feels, whats been on her mind the whole time, what its been leading up to. somehow i can tell that her voice is softer and more honest. also in the panels where she is being open, her eyes are usually not visible. interesting.
lurker 18th May 2017, 6:32 PM
it's interesting you categorized the gentleman as a threat -- to me, he read as actually concerned about them (and also shaken up and slightly angry).

i do think lola and sugar read him as a threat, but that might be symptomatic of a lot of other things going on.
kh 20th May 2017, 11:48 PM
oh he is definitely a threat. This stranger, unknowing of the context of the situation. Had he stayed any longer and noticed Sugar being in the middle of a meltdown (or just anything seeming fishy at all), most likely would have called the police. The police would come, take them to the station, contact Sugar's parents, possibly restrain them (especially Sugar) if they came off as disturbed in any way. Everything would have fallen apart. it would have been a disaster. Their reaction may have seem a bit hostile, but it was totally understandable under the context that they needed him to leave as soon as possible.
josie 18th May 2017, 12:11 PM
love those last few lines..
r.q. 18th May 2017, 12:21 PM
oh wowww, this whole page is so intense. lola reacting to sugar's reaction to the stranger - just, that look on their face in panel #8...

also, that second-to-last panel as well as the two before it... very physical. like they've been dissociating and this incident sort of brought them back to themself a bit with how sudden & physically disruptive it was. like in the "oh... i have... a body?" kind of way, this whole page does a really good job of communicating that feeling i think, it's very #relatable
Anon 18th May 2017, 12:51 PM
Hoo boy, only two pills left and Lola's running out of comic to do anything about it.
Guest 18th May 2017, 1:39 PM
hmm....both her eyes are covered by her hair. im guessing that means something
calph 18th May 2017, 2:09 PM
Lola's near-death experience briefly pulls them out of their ordinary dissociative introverted state, much like the pain of a cigarette ember does earlier in the story. Lola is unusually engaged here- they barely hesitate to jump into a conflict against the canid in the polo shirt (kinda feel bad for him), and all four of their eyes are focused on the same things throughout this page.

Lola's typical response is to gradually sink back into dissociative disengagement after a stimulus fades, so the ambiguity of the last panel creates a lot of tension for their character. Lola could be reaching for their phone, or a rag to wipe away blood, or, in keeping with her dissociative habits, the remaining vicodins.

We get a sense of Lola's excessive vicodin consumption these last few days by seeing that there's only two pills left. Symbolically, the image reminds us that we're almost at the end, while the ambiguity of Lola's reach hints at the potential for change in this moment. Lola and Sugar could just keep riding out the same maladaptive coping mechanisms until they reach the end, and there's nothing left. Or they could take this last chance to realize change their ways. Lot of suspense encoded in such a simple motion.
Guest 18th May 2017, 5:20 PM
hey sorry if this is a stupid question but, what animal is that dude? i know it's irrelevant but i was just wondering.
Nobody 18th May 2017, 5:29 PM
golden jackal.
kitsune-rokko 18th May 2017, 5:32 PM
Sugar and Lola's expressions are very very on-point with this page like, there's the levity in the comical expressions during the encounter with the guy to help smooth over the intensity of the breakdown & near-miss last page while still going back to somber after the encounter to not go too fr from the scene's overall mood and it's... the executing of the pacing is just really great imo.

The pause panel after "yea-" "NO." is also very good and also touching, I feel. Like the two going "wait..." and getting on the same page in the next panel to in a way solve the discrepancy in their reaction to the guy.

Lola's very sweet to Lola in general this page, it seems to me. She's really putting in that effort to keep the whole boat from sinking.
Guest 18th May 2017, 5:44 PM
"stupid-ass kids. gonna end up killing someone" WOW. i know this dude has no idea what was going on with sugar like 10 seconds before, but given the content of the last couple pages, that's gotta sting.
Guest 18th May 2017, 6:53 PM
whew, i thought their arguments were going to keep ramping up after the crash, but they both (seemingly?) calmed down pretty fast.
Nobody 18th May 2017, 7:08 PM
nah, the adrenaline/shock usually snaps you out of anything pretty quick. same reaction 2 dogs who are fighting have if you throw a cold bucket of water on them.
Antagonic 18th May 2017, 11:10 PM
PLEASE let Sugar infodump about the entire phosphorylation pathway
Guest 19th May 2017, 12:08 AM
uugh loving that double meaning of the context of "do you think they would've ever had the idea without me?" Sugar views so much of Angel's decisions through herself and maybe she introduced the "idea" to them but Lola's right, Sugar isn't to "blame" for anyone else's decision making, good or bad.
It makes so much sense to me how much shame Sugar feels for just existing, that even her struggling can't help or empower those around her in her eyes....guilt is horrible and so hard to kick as a coping mechanism when you need to assign a meaning to all the awful things that happen to you, Sugar I don't think likes things to hang in ambiguity
I can't help but wonder how much Sugar can separate herself from her "mistakes" including Angel? And how she views herself in that familial dynamic....from her phrasing here it seems almost like it was from a mentoring sort of place as well as a safe family member to be more emotionally open to. Before Angel died it seems like Sugar was a lot more accepting of ideas Angel introduced to her but following it almost seems like she keeps all concepts of Angel, including what they brought into her life (like exploring her gender identity), at arms length, in order to keep up viewing herself as failing them and the one who should've done better. Obviously it's a lot more nuanced and layered than that....but I think that's a lot harder to deal with too, when you're mourning & when you're suffering, and especially when you assign meaning to things around you, which I think Sugar tends to do through her knowledge of biology and unconsciously through a lot of her processing of the world and events around her. I process a lot of my delusions through that sort of.....analytical deconstruction so her processing makes a lot of sense to me and I struggle with many of the same pitfalls haha, your characters are really engaging and feel authentic and honestly quite real
Guest 22nd May 2017, 1:56 PM
I had a dream that the ending was them being really close to the grand canyon & having an argument but then the the car exploded & Lola was shot away from the GC & that sugar was shot towards it & so the strips were just her falling & it was INTENSE

I love this comic so much I'm dreaming about it, haha
can't wait to see how it ends!
Guest 22nd May 2017, 5:10 PM
omg i just had a thought, while thinking about this comic out of nowhere; the "nothing" and "too much help" thing.. the convo with the stranger here, is like, a direct parallel to that. if he helped, it might've been for the worse, so the best thing was doing nothing and telling him to walk away.
earthcell 3rd Jun 2017, 4:26 AM
I love how Sugar immediately put her hand on Lola while the car spun out.

In my family we call that the "mom hand" because whenever ANYTHING unexpected happens while me or my sister are in the passenger seat, my mom immediately throws out a hand out on us to protect us. It's really sweet and kind of funny because she doesn't even know she does it.
L 23rd Jun 2017, 8:44 PM
lola's immediate reaction being laughter is so real. i've been very high & dissociated in the back of a car that got totaled and that was definitely my reaction once everything stopped moving (after "hey at least i'll die stoned"). and of course i immediately wondered whether that was her blood or sugar's on lola's face & if she would even notice if she was hurt given the circumstances.

also: i love how the jackal guy's face looks almost cartoonish when we first see him but quickly gets more sharp/predatory as it hits home how very bad it could be if he doesn't leave.

aaand now i'm delaying reading the next pages because i'm not ready for it to end
bluestar 4th Jul 2017, 10:58 PM
i like how the can in the last panel is "AriZona" green tea and they're also driving to Arizona
red 20th Mar 2018, 8:16 PM
i love the lines getting thicker in the last few lola panels to symbolize perspective. its good
Guest 30th Aug 2018, 12:22 AM
"Just walk away"

What an absolute garbage person. You fucked up not him you fuck wit. Take responsibility. Oh wait, this is whole journey is about forsaking responsibility. Blame the people it's thrust upon or who step up. Fuck, you can't even be personally responsible for yourself.