strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.


30th Mar 2017, 12:00 PM
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Save my Place Load my Place

Author Notes:

Nobody 30th Mar 2017, 12:00 PM
the free zone.


Fen 30th Mar 2017, 12:10 PM
i love this page bc pretty much no media dealing with drug addiction/abuse actually has the characters talk about why they like it. presumably out of fear of ~encouraging drug use~ i guess. but like. lola uses drugs differently than i did/do, and it's interesting to me to know how other people (even fictional people) approach drugs. thank you gray. this page feels very. honest.
angel 30th Mar 2017, 12:25 PM
love the angles on the faces here. also loving getting to know more about lola
noble 30th Mar 2017, 12:43 PM
"too soon?"
kitsune-rokko 30th Mar 2017, 3:35 PM
I really like how you drew their lay-down postures and how despite the page being all "lay-down" the positions still turn and twist organically.

From the sounds of it it seems like the drugs Lola uses are to sort of manually switch on dissociation/detatchment from feelings. I don't know how similar it is to my experiences with dissociation but the dialogue strikes me as that. It's the relief of problems no longer mattering, even if it's temporary.

It also seems Sugar kind of latched onto a tangent with the word frisson leading her to talking about romance languages? Like, to find something within what Lola said she felt she could talk about?
Guest 30th Mar 2017, 5:59 PM
Damn I can relate to Lola so much here. I'm a recovering heroin addict and was always drawn to downers, most drugs in general but opiates will always be my drug of choice because of exactttly this. No other drug compares for me. It would make the "me" or lack of identity I feel and confusion surrounding that fade away. I felt numb but also so so so so free to not have all that weight on me anymore, the constant anxiety and self-hatred and paranoia and bad memories and depression. I felt like a better, different person when I was high because I didn't feel like the default unhappy version of myself anymore and could finally tune it alllll out. All that mental noise gone. I could actually open up to people and communicate and feel comfortable being myself and feel happy, or what I felt like "normal" non mentally ill people feel on a regular basis.

I miss it every day but opiate addiction becomes a huge burden when that high is harder to reach and it's all consuming when you have to start worrying about withdrawal and maintaining and the stigma and risks of copping. A huge price to pay to feel like you're someone else for a few hours, days, months, years, or just to feel like a better version of yourself if you see it that way. I did and still do to an extent, I still don't know who I am without drugs and now it's harder to feel any positive emotions even on maintenance meds.

Anyway I love this page. Really hit the nail on the head for me. Every opiate addict I've met had been using to self-medicate in some way, some physical but most for mental illness issues. I love both of these characters but especially relate to Lola in a lot of ways and seeing a character written like this has actually helped me feel a little bit better about myself somehow.
Nobody 30th Mar 2017, 7:03 PM
thank you so much for such a genuine, heartfelt comment.
i think you'll probably like page 91-- a lot of what lola says on it is very similar to what you said here.

on another note, i'm really proud of you for recovering. it's so, so difficult.
i had a friend, who read this comic, who was struggling with heroin. she died last month, on the 5th, because of it. in so many ways, i wish i had orchestrated the script differently, so that this scene would have happened sooner. maybe if she had gotten to see it, things would be different, maybe she would still be here. i'm glad you're still here.
i hope you can find yourself one day, and be happy with that. it's hard when you were the one thing you spent so much time running away from. it is possible, though.
Guest 1st Apr 2017, 10:14 AM
Yes wow, I love page 91! That rat park study is what I used to try and explain my addiction to my family (although they didn't really understand, since they had been isolating me from the family already growing up in many ways and that contributed to me starting to use in the first place) Genuinely, thank you so much for this response. I realized aside from my partner no one ever tells me that they're proud of me for being in recovery, or not judged me for being an addict, or that they're glad I'm here. My family saw my addiction as a burden and more reason to treat me as an outsider, shamed me for it and swept it under the rug, pretend it's not there like they normally pretend I'm not really here.

Also I'm deeply sorry for the loss of your friend. I've lost a lot of friends to overdoses over the years and it never seems fair, also stuck wondering if I could have done anything differently to prevent it somehow. I blamed myself a lot when one of my best friends overdosed but ultimately realized there wasn't anything I did that caused it, me showing love and support was helping them if anything but heroin and opiate addiction in general is such a complicated cycle to be stuck in, so many factors at work from person to person as to why they're using on any given day. I'm sure she would have loved these pages though, and this comic is definitely helping a lot of people in so many ways.

Anyway I can't truly express how much this comment and comic means to me especially reading it yesterday. I've been thinking about it since then. I got clean this time around April last year and have been having a tough few weeks with cravings and feeling lonely and just reading those last couple sentences means so much to me.
swish 30th Mar 2017, 10:30 PM
A lot of Lola here seems to be just not taking a lot of this personal, seemingly at all. I almost swear- this is the first page I've ever seen where the panel's positioned to hide their upper eyes. At first I thought that it meant they're emoting the same as through this entire thing but I almost believe that it means that Lola is absolutely out of it, like out of touch on what's going right now entirely.
Mostly worried for Sugar here cause it seems like they were put right on the spot. Their reaction doesn't even seem "What if I did wrong right now??" that looks like.... concern. Like, they may have put Lola in a very unhappy place despite how they already felt prior. Like, maybe, the decision to go on this 'journey' was a mistake, for Lola. It just looks like how I feel when I mess up and someone brings a inconvenience or action of mine's for a joke or metaphor. That look of "o you hate me for this?"
Guest 31st Mar 2017, 8:24 AM
".. thanks for bringing my jokes to the grand canyon, too"

took on a different meaning my second readthru of the page. either way its a joke about killing a joke, but more literally when lola dies on this trip their jokes die with them. they pluralized joke which makes that seem like their intended meaning- that or just sugar's tendency to do that to all their jokes i guess. wonder how sugar interpreted it.
Guest 31st Mar 2017, 8:29 AM
ooh actually using the grand canyon trip to mean "kill" in that way is a bit. not really accusatory but definitely putting sugar in the active role lol
vulli 31st Mar 2017, 10:42 PM
i kept thinkin of this page while i was in inpatient last night cuz i suffered a drug-incuded panic attack *laughcry emoji*