strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

54

8th Sep 2016, 1:00 PM
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Author Notes:

Nobody 8th Sep 2016, 1:00 PM edit delete
Nobody
distractions and reactions
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Comments:

Enigma 8th Sep 2016, 2:03 PM edit delete reply
Oh my god, thank you so much for this, gray. I relate so strongly to Sugar here; I identify as a cis girl out of simplicity, but I used to identify as genderqueer because of how being autistic impacted my perception of gender, and feel embarrassed about it and like I was stealing trans narratives/was faking. I still don't feel perfectly comfortable identifying as female, and sometimes I feel outright discomfort, and yet I'm embarrassed by my old self possibly because of how I related it to a time where I was psychotic, suicidal, and in bad control of my symptoms.
Enigma 8th Sep 2016, 2:04 PM edit delete reply
Anyways all this to say, I'm just really grateful for this and completely understand where Sugar is coming from. It's validating and hit really close to home. Thanks once again. (Also normal I'd message you on Tumblr but it's not working right now)
Peach 8th Sep 2016, 2:23 PM edit delete reply
The little details in each page never cease to amaze me - every time you read, you notice something different.
Heck 8th Sep 2016, 2:46 PM edit delete reply
I kinda relate to sugar, i still identify as genderqueer but i reverted my identity to mostly female and i came to terms with the fact that i mostly started identifying like that because i never felt"good enough" to be a girl or a binary gender for that matter, still a mess i rather not think about but this page hit close to home,great comic as always
Guest 8th Sep 2016, 4:59 PM edit delete reply
lolas eyes lingering on their vic bag for a few panels
Guest 8th Sep 2016, 5:05 PM edit delete reply
this was meant to have an eyes emoji to not just be a statement but the site doesnt allow that and i am Foolish. im excited to see if their opiate use will be explored in more detail other than what can be inferred without specifically talking about it.
Guest 8th Sep 2016, 10:47 PM edit delete reply
sugar is cute! CUTE!
bluestar 8th Sep 2016, 10:55 PM edit delete reply
ah this is interesting.. i was thinking that there's kind of a connection that could be drawn between sugar talking about the aftermath, i.e. "who has to deal with it" and her saying "there's no guilt to a corpse" on an earlier page

like... not like contradictory statements, but getting more of a look into her thought process into this decision is really interesting to me. like sugar seems rlly mindful abt this whole process, despite everything. and i gotta say this kinda helps me understand my own thought process on this subject as well, i think.

i'm really interested to see where this is going!
proteles 9th Sep 2016, 3:46 PM edit delete reply
lola's smiling in panel nine, but their upper eyes suggest that they're preoccupied... thinking about what sugar just said, feeling hurt that sugar didn't trust them enough to talk about being genderqueer before, or thinking about the pills in the bag? maybe all of them.

bluestar pointed out a connection between "who has to deal with it" and "no guilt to a corpse" that i find really interesting. sugar has been shown to have little interest in strangers, but to care deeply about her family. yet she seems to care more about her death traumatizing random bystanders than the people she's close to. maybe contradiction is one of sugar's themes? eyes are supposed to be the "window to the soul", so her different-colored eyes suggest someone perhaps "of two minds" (and "schizophrenia" roughly translates to "split mind")...

i'm still figuring out the blue/brown eye focus meanings, but so far it seems that we see more of the blue eye when she's reacting to a perceived threat, and the brown eye when she's opening up and showing vulnerability (imo the gas station scene lends a lot of credence to this theory, but i can be more specific in my citations if someone's not sold). a front view suggests... ambivalence? i need to think harder about this, haha

and! did you know that will toledo, of car seat headrest fame, is a fan of drop-out? he mentioned it in a reddit thread a while ago. i got to briefly congratulate him on his good taste in webcomics after a concert last night (he also hyped crow cillers and slimgiltsoul stuff in the thread, so you know he's legit). if you experienced a spike in readers roughly 4 months ago, part of your current fanbase might have originated on r/indieheads
Nobody 9th Sep 2016, 5:09 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
i do know about will-- he follows my art blog. it was a pleasant surprise, because i'd posted a drop-out playlist about a month prior with a cshr song on it.

regarding both of you noting sugar's contradictory statements: good thing to keep in mind is the context in which both were brought up (her own guilt vs. immediately after remembering about her cousin's death), and sugar's literal-mindedness-- recognizing emotional impact of death versus cleaning up a physical dead body are two different modes of thinking. the fact that sugar has shown minimal grief about her cousin's death despite an intense preoccupation with it is also related.
josie 9th Sep 2016, 10:17 PM edit delete reply
someone: 'maybe you could visit canyon sometime, when you're ready? it might provide closure'
sugar: 'closure, you say...'
Bowsmed 23rd Nov 2016, 10:41 AM edit delete reply
Could you please link to the playlist? I've looked around, but I can't really seem to find your art blog, either, unless it's on Tumblr or something. Sorry for any trouble.
josie 9th Sep 2016, 10:19 PM edit delete reply
that's p much my thoughts on the eye thing too so far
reader 11th Sep 2016, 6:17 AM edit delete reply
gosh...lola responding with 'end it now' while at the same time strapping in the seat belt for safety...

love it when those details hit
Guest 22nd Aug 2017, 12:58 AM edit delete reply
"You have to think about who has to deal with you after you die" ??? How can Sug say that when just a short while ago she said " I don't care, that'll be their problem" in response to Lola asking about the feelings of sugars family