strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

111

31st Jul 2017, 12:00 PM
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Author Notes:

Nobody 31st Jul 2017, 12:00 PM edit delete
Nobody
nothing left to lose.
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Comments:

t. 31st Jul 2017, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
my heart is beating the fastest it ever has in its life im surprised i can even type
holy shit
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
lola....... im so glad she's being so firm. she's so strong. i cant imagine how much it must hurt to leave the person she loves in this much pain. she's so. i love her. what an amazing character.
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 12:06 PM edit delete reply
holy shit. holyshitholyshitholyshit. theres so much i wanna say but most notably: sugar's teeth make her anger/terror even more poignant, and i love it
Kludge 31st Jul 2017, 12:12 PM edit delete reply
Kludge
"NOTHING makes me happy!"...directly to your own partner. Ouch.
Luna 31st Jul 2017, 12:12 PM edit delete reply
I Don't think anyone's captured that hopelessness of screaming after somebody who's calmly walking away sooooo well. gray Lemme swing by your crib and give you a pat on the back sometime
RD 31st Jul 2017, 12:13 PM edit delete reply
wow.
It's so fascinating to watch sugar react to all of this. like... she's trying so hard to convince lola that she deserves this. as if she doesn't feel right doing it unless someone else, someone she really trusts and loves, says she deserves it. almost like granting permission.
poor sugar. poor lola.
MysteriousJeff 31st Jul 2017, 12:16 PM edit delete reply

I feel this page really emphasizes how much Lola cares for Sugar. Like, to not take the car because that is what Sugar would want, and thus like not forcing Sugar to back out but leaving the option available to easily back out, should Sugar choose.

And your typography is very on-point this page and in general I love how much emotion you inject into the handwritten letterforms so that when combined with your expression work you can really feel the feeling!
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 12:30 PM edit delete reply
*lola voice* aND I would walk 500 miles aND I would walk 500 more, just to bE THE gal who walked 1000 miles away from the grand canyon and my gf because i don't want her to die and this was the only conceivable way of doing it without forcing her to do anything directly because that would break her trust in me more than i already have
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 4:45 PM edit delete reply
DA DA DA DA (da da da da)
mata 2nd Aug 2017, 7:58 PM edit delete reply
THIS MADE MY DAY THANK YOU
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 12:33 PM edit delete reply
thinking about sugar saying "i...'m worried about leaving you." to them on p5. i want it to be enough of a reason for her to live.. maybe thats wishful thinking
calph 31st Jul 2017, 12:59 PM edit delete reply
There's an interesting contrast here between Lola haloed by the sun and Sugar obscuring the sun.

Lola's calm expression and tall posture in panels 13-15 are reinforced by the even spread of sunbeams surrounding them. The overall effect is much like religious iconography, where a glowing halo encompasses a portrait of beatific serenity.

Sugar is also standing in front of the sun in panels 21-26, but there the sun is off-center and the sunbeams spray out unevenly to one side, mirroring the imbalance that Sugar is experiencing as her relationship is suddenly uprooted. Instead of a diffuse glow, these sunbeams are thin and sharp, visually suggesting lines of pain radiating from the back of Sugar's head.

On paper these two poses are very similar (sad lesbian standing in front of the sun), but they become totally unlike each other in execution. This visual contrast drives home the emotional message of the page: although Sugar and Lola should be close to each other by now, they've actually never been further apart.
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 1:00 PM edit delete reply
Lola walks... very fast. You can't even see them, despite the sun having not sank that much since they started walking away
Nobody 31st Jul 2017, 1:44 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
she does walk fast, but she's also looking at her phone and to the right in the last shot she's in-- she's heading back north towards a road instead of directly into the sunset and left the shot of the camera by heading exiting stage right.
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 2:14 PM edit delete reply
Ohh, my bad! Thanks for the clarification :>
mata 2nd Aug 2017, 8:00 PM edit delete reply
i was a bit confused about that too
aqua 31st Jul 2017, 1:15 PM edit delete reply
*devon voice* i cant believe lola didnt take the fucking car
noble 31st Jul 2017, 2:31 PM edit delete reply
NOOO
chalpal 31st Jul 2017, 7:20 PM edit delete reply
holy shit was that some sorta forshadowing !??
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 1:41 PM edit delete reply
sugar's response to that question this time, vs. page 84's "does it make *you* happy?"

...👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
scully 31st Jul 2017, 2:37 PM edit delete reply
this is so painful................... i just want them to like drive off 2gether happily. fuck
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 2:43 PM edit delete reply
i relate to sugar to a heart-crushing extent here and im (ok hand emoji) dying
kh 31st Jul 2017, 3:43 PM edit delete reply
"NOTHING MAKES ME HAPPY"

"I feel like nothing. I want to become nothing"

The word nothing comes up a LOT in context with Lola. She feels like nothing, she is nothing, she regrets nothing. It can't be a coincidence that Sugar said that nothing makes her happy. Lola, who is nothing, but is Sugar's everything.

completely unrelated but I love the detail of Sugar's hackles being raised as she's yelling. She's terrified and you can tell.
BPDGoat 31st Jul 2017, 3:45 PM edit delete reply
Like... I know ultimately Lola is probably doing the right thing because the only thing escalating emotionally here will end in is one/both of them dead.

But I gotta say 'do what makes you happy' comes off so, so cold to me. If I were in Sugar's position Id have a hard time believing Lola really cared about me (it's obvious she does!!! But like the feeling of screaming and crying because life is so awful.... when someone has a reaction like that it can feel like... they're just apathetic to your suffering)
Megaskizzen 31st Jul 2017, 4:31 PM edit delete reply
it's so bizarre, at least to me, to see lola and sugar as far apart as they are, spatially in particular. seeing them so close together throughout the whole story definitely made a killer contrast for this scene with others. i know that's not too deep an analysis but it stuck out to me enough to mention

anyway i am still terrified for sugar these recent pages have had me physically shaking
Megaskizzen 31st Jul 2017, 4:48 PM edit delete reply
i have to add that the lighting change to the last panel from the previous combined with sugar's change in body language makes an excellent feeling of resolve in the tension of the situation, at least interpersonally
Big moist 31st Jul 2017, 5:04 PM edit delete reply
Im more of a sugar person than a lola person so im sad that she is all alone... why is nobody talking about that why is everyone talking about how strong Lola is, this jump was something that Sugar thought would be romantic and united and TOGETHER but now she has to do it alone (if she does it at all)
And if she doesn't jump then it'll be less of a "Lola saved sugar" sitch and more of a "now sugar has to keep on living her hellish life"
Of course, it's all about what makes her happy
creewoo 31st Jul 2017, 6:11 PM edit delete reply
thats exactly what i was thinking tbh,, i understand lola and her actions and i respect her choices but im in anguish over sugar and her situation, and her loneliness. i am so afraid for her, but i don't think i couldn't respect whichever choice she makes, too.
Guest 1st Aug 2017, 11:42 PM edit delete reply
and I'm so happy lola got away
Somedumbalias 6th Aug 2017, 11:40 PM edit delete reply
Yeah, Idk I feel like she's being guilted into not jumping by Lola or atleast she feels that way? Like she decided to do it this way so no one would know and deal with her body, so she took the one person she thought was on the same Page as her, so she could avoid facing the reality of it(what her loved ones would feel(Idk if avoiding is the right word because she did plan immensely)), and now that Lola's walked off, it's not making her want to die any less, just forcing her to live. For somebody else. She couldn't convince angel and that's soul crushing for her and she doesn't want to put Lola in the same position. I relate a lot to sugar and I just feel so bad for her because now she's alone and can't just be blissfully ignorant about committing suicide, but as much as I wanted Lola to stay, that would've just made it much easier for sugar.
RC 31st Jul 2017, 6:07 PM edit delete reply
Stupid question, what saying is Lola referring to? If you love them you let them go is the only thing I can think of but that doesn't seem to fit. English isn't my first language, sorry. :c
BPDGoat 31st Jul 2017, 8:07 PM edit delete reply
I could be wrong but I think it's 'if you love someone, let them go'.
Laurel Lynn Leake 31st Jul 2017, 6:11 PM edit delete reply
"If you love someone, let them go ..."

(the saying often continues: "for if they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.")
Nobody 31st Jul 2017, 8:34 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
yep! thank you for clearing that up-- was not aware that the saying was said without the latter half (it seems so integral to the phrase's meaning).
finch 3rd Aug 2017, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
damn i literally never heard the rest of it or not very frequently at all lol. that is really significant to the meaning of the phrase though and it makes a lot more sense that way... wtf.
Penny 31st Jul 2017, 7:58 PM edit delete reply
What's the shadow thing on the floor in the last 6 panels? I've been trying to figure out what that is but idk what it is sorry... it looks like a key?? Idk... im just not sure what it is
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 8:18 PM edit delete reply
just the shadow from a rock or something, I think
mata 2nd Aug 2017, 8:04 PM edit delete reply
i was kinda curious about that too but I think it's floating so I think it's a shadow of a cloud. there's small specks of clouds around.
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 9:50 PM edit delete reply
i think one of the reasons a lot of people feel happy for lola standing up, is like, the recurring theme was sugar taking the wheel. it was always sugar driving, with lola as a passenger on sugars wild ride.
Guest 1st Aug 2017, 11:54 PM edit delete reply
100% this
Guest 31st Jul 2017, 11:02 PM edit delete reply
it HURTS me to see sugar like this, she seems so alone, feeling so betrayed, fuck, i love her so much i can't stop crying
Guest 1st Aug 2017, 2:10 AM edit delete reply
i feel so bad for sugar aaaaa i can't believe lola's leaving her like that
Ellie 1st Aug 2017, 4:26 AM edit delete reply
I was linked this comic tonight by a friend (3:25 CST currently) and read it all, it's so fucking good. The art is so insanely expressive and the writing is very deeply relatable. I cried a little, it's so fucking beautiful. Thank you for this, I can't wait for the next page.
Guest 1st Aug 2017, 8:12 AM edit delete reply
i honestly don't even know what i want to happen.. i guess sugar doesn't /have/ to get on those meds but it also seems like it doesn't matter, bc either way she won't be happy or even enjoy living.
Guest 1st Aug 2017, 8:54 AM edit delete reply
"what, what should i do?"
"morally? walk away."
"what about.. editorially? advice-wise."
"... just take the plunge, i guess."
Peach 1st Aug 2017, 9:00 AM edit delete reply
Sugar's expressions on this page are heart-breaking...
calph 1st Aug 2017, 4:42 PM edit delete reply
As a camry owner I'm oddly pleased to see the trunk latch depicted correctly.
m 1st Aug 2017, 9:02 PM edit delete reply
hoo boy. i don't have anything eloquent to say - i'm not great at analysis or meta or nothing - but i just wanted to appreciate:
"living like this is killing me."
"you're killing yourself."

i have been on both sides of that conversation before. that's what i love about this story - both sugar and lola are incredibly relatable in a myriad of ways (at least to me. can't really speak for others.)
oz 1st Aug 2017, 9:29 PM edit delete reply
"this is for me. just because of you."

OH SHIIIIIIIIT that's exactly the answer lola gave sugar on page 91. i only caught this because i started re-reading the whole comic again after this update
mata 2nd Aug 2017, 8:11 PM edit delete reply
fuck fuck fuck this comic hits so close to home

i relate to sugar so much. sooo so much and it even though i want to wholeheartedly agree with lola i can't help but feel just so. devastated for sugar. and "nothing left to lose" is really true here. all I can think of happening is... from how short this comic was supposed to be(100 pages, you said earlier), i imagine it's really likely sugar is going to jump. either that or she grabs the car and picks up lola and they go home, but then she has to live in pain again and go back and tell everyone what happened and have to go through the hell that is psychiatric centers.
Guest 4th Aug 2017, 1:35 AM edit delete reply
please don't tell me it's over
Guest 4th Aug 2017, 11:16 AM edit delete reply
I don't think it's over, I think it's just that there would've been 3 updates in a week without enough time for Nobody to work on them, so the update's been delayed. Personally I don't mind waiting for quality updates, I already feel quite lucky for the ones we already got :P It certainly adds suspense!
If it WAS over, I think we'd get some indication (like a "the end" panel) rather than just suddenly ending it here
Guest 4th Aug 2017, 1:44 AM edit delete reply
there is more, right?
beep beep car noises 4th Aug 2017, 2:23 AM edit delete reply
no update today???
mata 4th Aug 2017, 3:13 AM edit delete reply
have we moved to mondays or is it still thursday?
Guest 4th Aug 2017, 12:16 PM edit delete reply
for the ppl above asking about the update, they resume next thursday!
Millie 4th Aug 2017, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
Gray adds an update at the beginning/end of each month whenever they hit a monthly donation quota I think. Otherwise it still updates every Thursday. Probably just a time crunch this time around, especially given the consistently high quality of this comic aesthetically and writing-wise. I don't mind waiting, it's been quite a ride so far.
mata 5th Aug 2017, 3:06 AM edit delete reply
oh okay!! i'm fine with that too, i was just a bit confused :0
Guest 4th Aug 2017, 11:56 PM edit delete reply
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbqqO_iLPqQ

song I thought was relevant, idk

RD 6th Aug 2017, 4:42 AM edit delete reply
it's a nice song. thank you for sharing. and..yeah it, it fits the mood a lot. brought tears to my eyes, paired with this. haha.
Guest 8th Aug 2017, 11:36 PM edit delete reply
glad you liked it.

I heard it for the first time the other night about 10 minutes after reading this one and it also made me tear up a little
Guest 6th Aug 2017, 12:16 PM edit delete reply
I think it's interesting, with what we know about Lola that this is clearly not them saying, "I'm not going to kill myself". If Sugar doesn't decide to follow them and they make their way back to civilization, having broken their sobriety and now sans the reason they got sober to begin with, they're most likely going to continue on the vic-heroin trajectory they were on before. At the end of it, their decision here will assure that, if the two of them die, it'll have to be apart/alone, because Sugar now making the choice for them to stay together means being made to stay alive. And, while she said she'd do it either way, at the end of this trip it seems like the "together" aspect is almost tipping the scale away from the "dying" aspect. I guess we'll have to see where it goes from here.
Fuzzpuff 6th Aug 2017, 6:22 PM edit delete reply
Looks like lolas walking in to the light.
Cookieflips 7th Aug 2017, 5:05 AM edit delete reply
I feel so bad reading Lola' s reply. Both of them are right but it doesn't make anything easier. I look forward to your next page
Guest 7th Aug 2017, 1:28 PM edit delete reply
prediction: the last few pages follow lola hitching a ride with the sockeye salmon character grey posted on their art blog a few days ago. Lola and the salmon lady talk about where Lola's coming from/what she's going to do when she gets where she's going. It ends on a hopeful note. We never see Sugar again.
anonymous rabbit 8th Aug 2017, 4:48 PM edit delete reply
sugar being so painfully alone, far away from lola. i know i said this before, but Lola walking away and essentially sacrificing their own happiness (they said themself, they wanted to die, to jump with sugar) to keep sugar alive in their head, while still letting sugar make whatever choices she wants for her own happiness, kills me.

i adore sugar so much. i know i tend to talk about lola a lot but honestly neither one is my singular fave. i cant fathom how people see her as violent or mean considering that not once had Lola ever made any indication they see Sugar as a threat. yet folks keep saying "im so glad Lola got away from Sugar" as if Sugar is some big, violent abuser who strongarmed Lola into this, as if Lola didn't want to die, ever at all (despite having said so at least 10 times in the story and also giving pretty strong indication that Lola feels perfectly safe around sugar and is therefore willing to speak their mind most of the time).

i know I was wrong in my earlier theory that maybe Lola doesnt wanna die (i wanna say i was at least close. they didnt wanna die so sugar could live). but i mean, not every theory is a keeper, ha ha.

i've been on this journey with the two of them since about page 38 (i think) and being this close to the end, on the very edge of a tipping point, my heart is racing even now. i love them so much. sometimes i think of myself as kinda like lola and my df as kinda like sugar, since we're so similar. my theories may have not always been spot on and i probably misinterpreted things along the way, but i both anticipate and dread the end of this beautiful roller coaster of a comic.

probably a bit early to say this (probably should save this for the last page but idc), but thank you grey so much for writing this story. a story of people who never get talked about or get left behind or only get used as props. thank you for not being afraid to talk about things that people shy away from. it takes a lot of strength and thought to bare your soul before hundreds of people, even if its broken into bits and pieces across various characters and metaphors and dialogue scraps.

just, idk, this story gave and gives me a lot of feelings. thank you.
karhs 11th Aug 2017, 6:54 PM edit delete reply
As someone who's been... kinda the Lola in a situation kinda like this one, I just like... I don't know if I really know how to articulate what I'm feeling at all but jesus I'm feeling a lot of it...
Guest 20th Aug 2017, 6:23 PM edit delete reply
sugar......my baby.....no....