strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

110

27th Jul 2017, 12:00 PM
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Author Notes:

Nobody 27th Jul 2017, 12:00 PM edit delete
Nobody
letting go and holding on.
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Comments:

t. 27th Jul 2017, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
jesus christ
t. 27th Jul 2017, 12:08 PM edit delete reply
ohhhh i just rememberd the monday update. how will i have time to emotionally prepare myself
noble 27th Jul 2017, 12:04 PM edit delete reply
"you look at who you used to be,
you look at who you wanna be,
and you let one go."
FUCK 27th Jul 2017, 12:04 PM edit delete reply
FUCK oh man oh jeez
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
lola's "morally? walk away" line is echoed here, as well as an earlier shot from that scene when lola and sugar were trying to pull away from each other to opposite sides of the room
god my heart is pounding, i have no clue what sugar is gonna do. at the beginning of the comic she said that she was afraid of leaving lola alone, but now she doesn't want to stop for anything. will she remember what she said, like she said that it was angel's choice to commit suicide? im glad the next update is on monday so we don't have to wait a Whole Week
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 12:07 PM edit delete reply
Another thursday, another intense emotional gut punch.

Holy hell I just woke up and I think I'm going to go lay down again. Top tier work once again.
Blue 27th Jul 2017, 12:24 PM edit delete reply
This is so intense
Fen 27th Jul 2017, 12:32 PM edit delete reply
lola is so strong.... I'm so proud of her for doing the "moral" thing here
hand holding symbolism, also. someone should definitely make a hand holding compilation after all this is over
lastly, the motion in this page is amazing, and then compared wth the stillness of the panel with them both standing makes that panel a punch in the soul. thank you gray for reminding me how to have emotions.
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 12:44 PM edit delete reply
Lola looking at Sugar and the Grand Canyon behind her.

Sugar looking at Lola and the life she wants to leave behind them.

I don't know if im reading OR phrasing this right, but...imagine how terrifying each tableau looks to both of them, respectfully. Looking at what they love and fear most in one image. That has to be so hard.
calph 27th Jul 2017, 12:51 PM edit delete reply
"I'm not gonna do anything."

Lola's been so reluctant about facing their problems head-on and I'm sure most of us have been hoping they would stand up for themself more, but this is a surprising and fitting way for Lola to assert themself while staying true to their non-confrontational nature.

By couching their choice to walk away from Sugar in this passive language, Lola removes themself from Sugar's feelings of persecution. No longer supportive, and despite Sugar's protests not opposing either. Just suddenly, crushingly, uninvolved.

Lola's still being passive in a sense, but it's the passivity of a mountain. Strong. Stable. Neutral. Unassailable. This is reflected in physical actions too- Lola is unmoved by Sugar's unconscious pull, despite Sugar's great advantage in size and strength.

Lola's finally found their middle path- not resisting, yet not succumbing. That probably isn't an option for Sugar though. As foreshadowed earlier, she'll have to choose a part of herself, and let it go. I hope they'll get to see each other again too.
Laurel Lynn Leake 27th Jul 2017, 5:19 PM edit delete reply
This is all very beautifully said and I like it very much.
Remi 27th Jul 2017, 1:02 PM edit delete reply
Mmmmmmmm. The “I know you don’t think it’ll happen but I hope I get to see you again sooner or later” line has an interesting ambiguity to it

She could obviously see Sugar again if she decides not to do it, but it also could work as a callback to the conversation they had about god + the afterlife

Feels bad. Good page.
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 1:18 PM edit delete reply
I just screamed "drop out updated!!" alone in a conference room at work. I can't fucking believe this?? its so beautiful? I love Sugar's 'im sorry, i didn't realize i was..' when it looked like she was going to pull Lola over the edge, like...like Sugar was so deep into her own head the whole trip, and she didnt make the connection between "this is me carrying out a fantasy ive had for so long" and "this is me and my girlfriend going to literally end our lives"
P 27th Jul 2017, 1:48 PM edit delete reply
i wish you had bolded "YOU" in that line "nobody has that you inside of your head" i couldn't make sense of the sentence and still am unsure if im interpreting it correctly? its lola saying that no one knows sugar as sugar is in her own head, right? no one has that pure essence of sugar, of her consciousness, except sugar herself. although i feel like my understanding is wrong here as i had trouble understanding that sentencw and am having a hard timw understanding how it fits in with surrounding sentences.
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 2:17 PM edit delete reply
i think it's related to the "i think i'm talking to the angel in my head" convo in the last scene? like, people know that angel is dead and committed suicide, including sugar, and she explains that it's a way to deal with her guilt. on this page, lola acknowledges that sugar hasn't told ANYBODY that she's going to kill herself, so everybody right now thinks that she's alive and, more importantly, will continue living (which is also related to lola saying "i think angel is the one who killed you" convo, as both sugar and lola were talking as if they were already dead).
essentially, what i think lola meant was that nobody has sugar in their head (yet) the way sugar has angel in her head. this might not be 100% accurate, but it's the way i interpreted what lola said. i do agree with how you interpreted it though, because sugar saying "i'm already one big fucking stereotype to everyone" means that "everyone" has a way of seeing sugar, which is different from how sugar sees herself
Nobody 27th Jul 2017, 3:40 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
guest is right, that line's referring to 6 pages ago in the comic, and it's an explanation for how she's going to keep sugar "alive" without stopping her from doing what she wants to do. bolding the text would have implied anger or aggression, borderline yelling.
p 28th Jul 2017, 1:25 AM edit delete reply
ahh okay clears things up and makes sense, i suppose when i use bold in my comics it has different connotations but i understand how that would translate that way in your comic!
p 28th Jul 2017, 1:28 AM edit delete reply
re-reading it, it all clicked so suddenly in my mind. sometimes this is all so much to read into for me but when i get it- it hits so hard
Laurel Lynn Leake 27th Jul 2017, 3:56 PM edit delete reply
Oh, those are both really good readings!! I saw it as the conclusion to Lola's final line on the page before, "...so, if this, ...if walking away right now, is the only way to keep you alive, then I'm going to do it." That Lola was maybe in one sense saying, I'm the only person who's witnessed the 'you' that's suicidal, and if I died with you, that 'you' would be lost (a 'you' she maybe sees as the 'real' Sugar, her spirit/soul even). Which I think ties back to Lola's statement in the restaurant that they found the idea of their OWN memories being erased from the world something that they were "kinda looking forward to." So perhaps Lola is saying that while she may still want to die ("so bad"), the realization that erasing herself would mean erasing the Sugar she loves, is enough to finally allow her to decide to walk away. So many layers to everything being said here!!
grocer of despair 27th Jul 2017, 6:56 PM edit delete reply
yeah, I initially read "that you" not as the post-suicide guilt-ghost Sugar, but as the character of Sugar in Drop-Out itself, the Grand Canyon-era Sugar, the one who starts by saying “I’m going to kill myself” and ends by throwing herself off a cliff. Lola’s line, then, would basically mean: "ok, I’ve caught up with the comic now. I understand why it is the way it is, and I have a pretty good idea what the ending will be, so I’m going to close it and walk away." The implication being that Sugar has the same option, to close the book and walk away, to not let this Sugar kill off all the other Sugars who could be doing their own thing in any number of future side comics, with completely different non-suicidal narratives and characters. This reading appeals to me a lot even if it is non-canon...
Anonymouse 27th Jul 2017, 2:41 PM edit delete reply
I LOVE that you have Sugar and Lola holding hands over the borders of the comic panels. Such a beautiful symbolic gesture about like "their love transcends space and time" or some sappy bullshit like that that I absolutely ADORE.
Peach 27th Jul 2017, 3:26 PM edit delete reply
Oh my god, this update!! I'm on the edge of my seat!!! SUGAR! LOLA! AAAAAAA!!
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 4:33 PM edit delete reply
could somebody explain to me the expression change in 5/6 to the quote above & in 7/8?
I'm just confused about the shock haha
i guess i don't have an experience to relate it to
Nobody 27th Jul 2017, 5:39 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
iiiii can.
5: sugar isn't necessarily shocked about what lola said in panel 4, she's ramping down from panic because she clearly thought lola was threatening to hospitalize her.
6: lola is surprised at being pulled back toward the canyon ever so slightly. sugar stepping back while holding onto lola means that lola is pulled with her.
7: lola calms down now that sugar isn't moving back out of fear.
8: sugar is confused and frustrated. lola says something before she can think of anything to say.
hope that helps!
scully 27th Jul 2017, 5:02 PM edit delete reply
this made me start sobbing and my partner looked over all concerned and i had to be like "no its ok im reading drop-out". i really, really dont want sugar to die like im heartbroken that it really seems like she's gonna and idk. i'm so proud of lola, other people have said it more eloquently than me and i dont have the words im just really proud. bc i wouldnt have the strength to do what she's doing rn i dont think. anyway this comic means the world to me and while i'm still holding out for a happy ending i'll respect however you decide to conclude this. thanks for the incredible journey. (also the colors in this scene are so fucking gorgeous holy shit)
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 6:09 PM edit delete reply
hoooo boy..
this cleared up a lot of my confusion from the last page (is lola literally trying to keep sugar alive by thinking that she wont do it in front of them or is it just in an angel way) which was REALLY cool i love the way the webcomic medium gives the reader (while its still updating) so much time to consider every possibility and read into things (which being schizophrenic and autistic/adhd (not sure yet haha) REALLY is useful to my enjoyment and understanding) but!! now looking at the lines lola said earlier about having to stay alive for people that depend on you.. died for you... it felt too confronational for them to be saying to sugar at the time but it was abOUT THEM! it makes so much sense. the last line though..... its so ambiguous. like. lola claerly wants to die so it can be like i hope i see you after life sooner or later but its also like they hope sugar can walk away. i feel bad for sugar. she worked so so hard on every logistical piece of this trip, literally her whole life has lead up to this moment and lola just. shatters it. you can see the excitement leaving her face and eyes and body. she didnt push lola into this, she had absolutely no reason to think they would affect it. she let lola into her plan because she thought it was what they wanted. and theres no do overs of this kind of plan. i mean of course its suicide any way you cut it and theres plenty of problems with it but the feeling of having your year long plan, built on romanticization and delusion, having your last moment of glory taken from you, thats got to sting. sugars far too gentle and rational to actually be mean or worse about it, how can you get mad at someone for not wanting to die? i dont want sugar to die.
also that sounds like i hate lola which isnt true at all. theyre passive by nature and this is their best effort at preserving sugar without robbing her of her agency.
i cant remember the lines but this reminds me very much of the part talking about who killed each of them, and sugars insistence that people like lolas mom deserve to die. the restaurant scene, they said they wanted the memories to die with them, but sugar is a memory they cant bring themself to actively kill. if sugar had killed lola, inside, then there could have been hate, and lola could have gone along with that mindset and killed the sugar in their head. but she didnt.
Glory 27th Jul 2017, 6:09 PM edit delete reply
Sometimes being on a no sleep binge is the best time to watch or read emotionally distressing things. If I was fully conscious right now this page would fucking break me...

I'll probably re-read it later and start bawling ;_;
anonymous rabbit 27th Jul 2017, 8:54 PM edit delete reply
"you're the light of my life. i cant kill that."
"nobody else has that you alive in their head."

lola basically giving up the one thing they want so bad (death) to keep Sugar alive (in their head, or physically). Lola is basically sacrificing themself for Sugar and this is killing me.

But they chose not to tell Sugar was to do. They still love Sugar but they know forcing Sugar to make a choice, one way or another, would hurt Sugar and break that trust between them irreparably. And neither of them could ever hurt the other. Even though Lola probably wants Sugar to stay alive, truly alive, so badly, they know that it's ultimately Sugar's choice what to do.
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 9:55 PM edit delete reply
im not a good enough writer to even begin to describe what you have done. here, and throughout this entire comic. it's astounding, it's 'perfect', it honestly means the world to me and is a gorgeous, gorgeous work. it will always be in my heart.

the duplicity behind 'let go'... lola getting tugged closer to the canyon's edge and 'the edge'
sugar... not knowing she is doing either. oh sugar :( i love her with all my heart

i can't believe i have the fortune of knowing about this comic and getting to read it. truly it is amazing (and i have to add- so so gay).
im sorry if it is troubling for me to relate to something that must be personal to you. i have had so many experiences and so much love that aligns with this story and sharing that helps me cope. its as if you're telling stories from my soul and memory i desperately wish i could find a way to properly articulate. you're an extraordinary writer, more than im sure i even realize. you're amazing. and i wish i could put that in 'perfect' words. (you made a post about 'perfect' writing recently and ironically managed to properly write how i have always felt about your writing, ha)
<3
jewelian 27th Jul 2017, 10:03 PM edit delete reply
accidentally posted anonymously and wanted to claim my comment above
Guest 27th Jul 2017, 10:25 PM edit delete reply
I love all the insight I'm reading here in the comment section and this page was a gutpunch, but...

where the heck is lola even going?? she's walking away, sure, but she's in the middle of the desert, is she gonna... wait in the car... and watch sugar... and then take the car, or is sugar gonna change her mind and then it's just a really tense ride back for the both of them? or is she actually going to try and traverse the desert back to like, a grand canyon welcome center or something

i'm sorry i'm being that one asshole right now but i'm very concerned about what lola's plans are, the desert is dangerous and she seems to overheat very easily
calph 28th Jul 2017, 1:00 AM edit delete reply
tbh this is a pretty good point. very awkward.
Guest 28th Jul 2017, 1:21 AM edit delete reply
uuber
Guest 28th Jul 2017, 1:56 AM edit delete reply
i mean i guess so, if their driver doesn't mind off-roading a bit, ahah
Guest 28th Jul 2017, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
yknow, they seem like a "figure it out on the fly" kinda gal. maybe they'll find their way back to the more touristy sites along the canyon before the sunrise makes it too unbearably hot and try to hitch a ride or something- a callback to the 6 hour trek for the vics earlier in the comic.
ezra 28th Jul 2017, 1:34 PM edit delete reply
unless lola expects that sugar will want to follow them, and thinks maybe leaving or pretending to leave will get her away from the edge faster than simply talking to her right by the imminent danger. maybe she doesn't have plans to actually wander off and find her own way because she doesn't anticipate needing those plans (but she could 100% manage if she did need them i think)

"if walking away right now, is the only way to keep you alive, then, I'm going to do it."
seedy 28th Jul 2017, 12:29 PM edit delete reply
the sun is an antagonistic force, and then here we see lola is standing in front of the sun and shading sugar.....
(that might be overanalysis but I was actually worried where this scene was gonna go knowing that the sun was rising and the symbolism with it so far...so seeing lola casting a shadow like that was a relief)
pilo 28th Jul 2017, 1:25 PM edit delete reply
I just realized, Sugar was unintentionally trying to pull Lola over with her toward the edge. Standing on the precipice, as I imagine many of us have, how easy is it to be pulled in by those we love or to pull them in with us without realizing?
Raleigh 28th Jul 2017, 8:34 PM edit delete reply
the intense reds and pinks in this scene remind me of the intense oranges in the earlier sunset scene, in how apocalyptic they both feel. the sunset scene's oranges kept shifting panel-to-panel, giving the effect of explosions happening just outside the car. the steadier bright pinks and reds of this scene remind me of a fire burning, as well as the meaty pinks of the diner scene where sugar and lola shared a few romantic moments ("what of... they"). it's even more jarring after the soft lavenders of the last scene.
sorry, i just wanted to gush about the colours in this comic, because they're just sooooo lovely. i read about how you hand-pick each colour, and that attention to detail really comes through!
mata 28th Jul 2017, 11:23 PM edit delete reply
Oh My God
Grey is going to end it on a cliffhanger aren't they

a "cliffhanger"

Grey please you've used puns to break my heart enough times don't do this to me
Bruhhh 23rd Aug 2017, 4:03 AM edit delete reply
I like how in the second panel Sugar phrases it as a question "You can't stop me??" She's literally a few inches away from death but somehow still believes Lola has the potential to foil her