strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

108

13th Jul 2017, 12:00 AM
108
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Author Notes:

Nobody 13th Jul 2017, 12:00 AM edit delete
Nobody
their heart's racing. that's always been how they could tell when they're too close.
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Comments:

Guest 13th Jul 2017, 12:01 AM edit delete reply
aaaaAAAAAAA
noble 13th Jul 2017, 12:01 AM edit delete reply
ITS HERE
t. 13th Jul 2017, 12:01 AM edit delete reply
i cant fucking breathe
t. 13th Jul 2017, 12:06 AM edit delete reply
"i think you're the first person i've ever... felt close to."

"i'm never gonna be close to anyone."
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
i guess that "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" shot a few pages back was foreshadowing!
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 12:02 AM edit delete reply
no analysis this time I've been killed by lola's face
and their shaking hands
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 12:02 AM edit delete reply
EYE SHINIES! EYE SHINIES!!! THEY HAVE THEIR EYE SHINIES BACK!!!
jake 13th Jul 2017, 12:03 AM edit delete reply
noooo nono
brows 13th Jul 2017, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
ive never taken so long to read a page in my whole life probably,, i was rooting for lola to say that they were not going to jump, but seeing them say it..with light finally in their eyes. i couldnt be more proud of them but in a way its bittersweet..it shouldn't be, but it is..
brows 13th Jul 2017, 10:57 PM edit delete reply
im rereading this page again lol and i just realized that sugar thought she knew lola....'someone i understand' and then lola telling her that she's not going to jump...sugar has probably never been so wrong before and her expression tells it omfggggg im crying in the club rn
aqua 13th Jul 2017, 12:10 AM edit delete reply
all of lola's eyes lighting up when sugar says she's the only one she's ever felt close to, i'm honkin' dying i love it so much, and then lola's upper eyes closing momentarily before deciding to tell sugar she can't go through with it after all, sugar's :> face when lola says it like she's struggling to really process it, omg. makes me wonder if lola would have said what they did, if sugar hadn't said what she did. probably, but i guess that isn't entirely the point atm. don't even get me started on "that's always been how they could tell when they're too close", the mirroring of lola's heart pounding to the moment on page 49, UHM EVERYTHING ABT THIS PAGE KILLS ME AND I LOVE IT
MysteriousJeff 13th Jul 2017, 12:17 AM edit delete reply
Everything about this page is beautiful... the rendering, the framing, the lighting, the composition, the dialgoue...

i'm not sure how to put it into words but i am feeling a strong wave of emotion from this page, and it feels like an emotion waiting for the next page to see it break into a physical cry, i wonder if it will be where emotional dams break in-story, since lola's eye shines are back and sugar's expression is falling because of the change in plan
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 12:29 AM edit delete reply
gosh, I'm glad Lola said something, but seeing sugars expression drop because the person she loves just gave up on the thing they've both been planning the entire time... it hurts. Can't wait for next update to see where this goes
Fuzzpuff 13th Jul 2017, 12:37 AM edit delete reply
AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 12:39 AM edit delete reply
ladies first awwww.
i like how lola didnt say they didnt want to. just that they cant. sugar just said she would go with or without, but can she do it right in front of the person she loves? i dont know what im going to do for the next week, im so excited.
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 1:00 AM edit delete reply
Sugar: :>
Lola: I can't do this...
Sugar: :?
My heart: *FUCKING SHATTERS*
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 1:18 AM edit delete reply
i wonder if anybody else has posted this, but i think lola's eye shinies must be tears. since we've never seen her cry "normally", just getting wet must be how snails cry.
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 1:20 AM edit delete reply
I'm really glad Lola is finally asserting themself, even if it is at the eleventh hour. Despite the small gestures of independence they've displayed during the story, it really has read as Lola simply being blown along in the wake of Sugar's mania and grief.

On an earlier page, Lola mentioned their childhood abuse and spoke about their interpretations of their mother's behavior; it felt to me that despite that still being a traumatic part of their life, that they had made some sort of peace with it. It was familiar to me, having grown up in a not-so great situation but also having accepted that it had happened, and that my only path from that was forward. Sugar's projection ("she killed you") was interesting from that pov, because the reality, as an outsider, has always looked far more like "Angel is killing them both".
grocer of despair 13th Jul 2017, 1:24 AM edit delete reply
that description is the fucking kicker
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 1:25 AM edit delete reply
THEY DROPPED OUT
scully 13th Jul 2017, 2:37 AM edit delete reply
it's amazing how this page breaks my heart and gives me hope at the same time. like im hopeful they're not gonna die now but im super stressed about like, everything else. just very attached 2 these characters and want them to find peace
kirin 13th Jul 2017, 2:58 AM edit delete reply
ITS RESOLVE!!! THATS WHAT THE SHINIES ARE, IM,!!!!!
sugars eyes are always shining because shes just, completely enraptured in this suicide. her fear response is gone, shes tied up all loose ends, etc. shes gonna do it (at least thats what we think)
lola, her shines are different? she wants to die...but its not the same for lola
she still, cant do this
and she knew it the whole time but wouldnt admit it to herself? so thats why it always stayed up there, in the top eyes
and now, that shes finally admitted to herself that she cant do it, theyre in both!!!!!!!
shes not, minimizing her own pain anymore. shes gonna face it, instead of just running away INSTEAD OF JUST DROPPING OUT AAAAAAAAAAAAA
mata 13th Jul 2017, 11:27 AM edit delete reply
YOU HIT IT ON THE NOSE
fp 13th Jul 2017, 3:12 AM edit delete reply
IM SO SO SO SO PROUD OF LOLA AND ALSO, I AM TERRIFIED, also this page is amazing but all your pages are amazing, also hi been reading for months but first time commenter, thanks for your extremely cool and good comic
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 13th Jul 2017, 4:14 AM edit delete reply
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 6:33 AM edit delete reply
my instinctive response to the second to last panel was a massive fuckin sigh of relief, I'm so relieved Lola said something. when i read the last panel i wasn't sure i should have been relieved so early though, situation still going.
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 6:34 AM edit delete reply
amazing work as always, too
jewelian 13th Jul 2017, 7:47 AM edit delete reply
thank you for those two panels of silence. look at themmmm ahhh so much love there ;u; so gay and beautiful
J 13th Jul 2017, 8:58 AM edit delete reply
everyones saying theyre relieved that lola said she cant do it but now I'm more anxious than ever. I know we love these characters and want them to stay alive, but frankly the only thing more terrifying than them dying, is them not dying.
is sugar gonna talk her back into it? what are they gonna do if they dont? is sugar gonna jump anyway, and lola has to witness and live with that reality? is the person they almost crashed into gonna call the police and they get caught and hospitalised??
at one point I was scared they were gonna jump but not die, and have to work out how to get help or something, but this is worse imo.
sugar had no idea lola wasnt all-in, why would she? lola said she was, so she was. why didnt she speak up sooner? I guess both of them were stuck in "this isnt real", and for sugar it meant she could die bc it doesnt matter, but for lola it meant they werent really gonna do it.
mata 13th Jul 2017, 11:26 AM edit delete reply
Oh my god. "Drop out" you. you were literally foreshadowing it this whole DAMN TIME YOU FUCKING GENIUS????

AUGH i literally checked the date, saw that it was thursday, and threw myself at my laptop so fast i momentarily escaped the fourth dimension. Literally no comic, no story in my entire fucking life has ever hurt me this much.

I don't know what to think or feel but I know one thing for certain--the light returning to lola's eyes as she finally makes her true emotions known is the most powerful thing on this page. The entire time only her top eyes showed what her more inward emotions are, and now that she's finally communicating this to Sugar, both of her eyes represent what she's feeling.

and sugar smiling so hard, the hardest i've ever seen her smile in this comic, so happy. i legitimately didn't expect lola to 'drop out' of the suicide pact and it just hit me like a bullet. i'm both relieved and horrified and devastated and happy and all these emotions at the same time. Lola wants to live, sugar wants to die, they both get what they want, but they're both apart. The closest sugar's ever been to anyone and suddenly she feels like they must separate. I can't even predict how Sugar's going to react on the next page.
Guest 13th Jul 2017, 11:41 AM edit delete reply
Ahh the complex mix of emotions on this page. Sugar's face dropping after talking about how she 'understands' Lola, talking about how she knows what Lola is thinking or feeling, and suddenly Lola drops the bomb Sugar was probably absolute least expecting in this moment.

I'm really glad that Lola spoke up, finally. Probably the thing that had most readers on edge for the entire story since she expressed hesitance right from the start, and several times throughout the story.

I wonder if they'll just 'go missing', and continue on with life somewhere else? Sugar did mention that if Angel hadn't left a note, they'd just be 'missing', and nobody would know if they were alive or dead. Maybe something similar will happen with Sugar and Lola since neither of them left notes, and they really can just be 'missing'. It would require severing ties with everything they know, abandoning the car, and starting from absolute scratch.

At this point I feel that's most likely, or maybe they will both go back home. I don't really want to entertain the possibility of Sugar jumping while Lola does not, but I guess that's also a very heartbreaking possibility.
h 13th Jul 2017, 12:09 PM edit delete reply
i am so glad Lola finally said something ommgggggg i was so scared they wouldn't..... sugars face reads like the embodiment of an internal scream of frustration to me lol. i love them both so much and i love your art i am so nervous and excited to see the end i am on the edge of my figurative seat
Indy 13th Jul 2017, 12:52 PM edit delete reply
Okay, I binged this whole thing at 2/3am last night and now that im fully rested i can write this. This comic has been amazing so far. Ive bawled my eyes out so many times and I genuinely feel for these characters. They are so well written. Not to mention that the art style is amazing. I just, AAAAAAA this comic is so good.
josie 13th Jul 2017, 2:15 PM edit delete reply
i'm love these gays
josie 13th Jul 2017, 2:18 PM edit delete reply
panel composition reminds me of back in the abandoned house too
Peach 13th Jul 2017, 2:26 PM edit delete reply
The joy in Sugar's face and Lola's before Lola says they can't do it... God, this comic is amazing and heart-rending all at once!
Ed 13th Jul 2017, 4:59 PM edit delete reply
I FUCKIN KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME
ThatOneDude 13th Jul 2017, 5:43 PM edit delete reply
Fuck me this has to be one of the most terrifying point of this comic. On one hand I'm glad Lola said something but on the other hand holy fuck. What's Sugar going to do? Is she going to jump by herself so suddenly that Lola can't react fast enough to stop her, is Lola going to try to talk her out of it or are they going to get caught?? We just don't know yet. Sugar was so dead set on this while Lola thought they was ready but knew they probably wouldn't do it. Aaaaa jeez, at this point the possibility of the both of them just walking away and going home is out the window because there's no way they can just walk away from this and think everything will turn back to normal, they know that nothing will ever be the same after this. This comic has been a wild ride from beginning to well nearly the end, whether one goes, the both of them go or the both of them 'drop out' I can't wait for what happens next.
varmint 13th Jul 2017, 6:07 PM edit delete reply
fff-f-f-ffuck
RD 13th Jul 2017, 8:14 PM edit delete reply
WOW! my fuckin' heart's on overdrive TOO!
first of all. sugar's face last panel. gray. you captured that "i'm sorry, what?" face so well. so perfectly.
second of all. lola. baby. ...how in the world did you think this was gonna play out? like this whole time were you just thinking "well. i definitely don't wanna do this. but maybe once i've stared 2000 feet down into an abyss and faced all of the memories and things I never got closure for, I'll totally want to. yeah. just gotta hype myself up. to die. yep. yeah."
every single update I just think "oh this is getting so intense" and i think it cant get any more intense but it just DOES. pretty sure next update will kill me. and. hopefully JUST me...
SeveredArm 13th Jul 2017, 9:22 PM edit delete reply
So. Just judging from her markings, colors, feet and name, I think that sugar is a sugar glider. (Feel free to correct me on that.) I think its really tragic that she is choosing to fall to death, seeing that the one thing that makes that particular animal special is it's ability to survive long falls.
mata 14th Jul 2017, 1:44 AM edit delete reply
Nobody mentions in the comments on page 27 that sugar is a hybrid between a sugar glider and a philippine tarsier, you can kind of see her mother (sugar glider) and her father (philippine tarsier) on the page with the long crack in the canyon showing the memories. so you were pretty close :0
anonymous 14th Jul 2017, 2:17 AM edit delete reply
actually sugar has two moms! she mentions it on an earlier page and it's where the earlier quote (and i'm probably paraphrasing a bit); "people expect so much from me coming from lesbian moms. i don't want to reflect badly on all of us."
mata 2nd Aug 2017, 8:13 PM edit delete reply
ohhh dammit i forgot about that, now i remember! how could i forget that argh.

i did expect that tarsier (i assume) that we see here was a grandparent because of how Old they seem but i wasn't sure
mata 2nd Aug 2017, 8:15 PM edit delete reply
WHAT I MEANT WAS the tarsier is probably sugar's other mom im DUMB soRRY
Guest 14th Jul 2017, 4:17 AM edit delete reply
HMMMMM THOSE HANDS SURE LOOK FAMILIAR
Guest 14th Jul 2017, 4:18 AM edit delete reply
also I'm like so scared of sugar jumping & taking lola with her
reader 14th Jul 2017, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
... you're so genuine, sugar ...

ok but all jokes aside this page is genuinely such a great cliff hanger. also this really has nothing to do with the comic but, even though i'm not afraid of heights, whenever i'm in a high place and there's a wind blowing in the direction of the drop i get a little scared the wind's going to blow me off the edge, even if there's a secure barrier, and the 3rd and 4th panel with both of their hair blowing in the direction of the cliff drop gave me a bit of that feeling haha. i like how the wind seemed to die down though once lola took sugar's hand.


i love how the first panel's 'thump thump' immediately recalls the sound/idea of like...bodies hitting the ground, esp. after the fade to black in the previous page, and how that thump thump is related back to lola's vital signs ... the kind of onomatopoeic thing that wouldn't really work in any other medium, i feel


also while we're on the topic of language stuff i couldn't stop thinking 'fissure frisson' on the last page

also regardless of what it may mean (if it has any meaning) one of my favorite details on this page is seeing lola's eye shines go from colorless to red, and how that red color seems to 'leak down' to the bottom pair until both white and red are intermingling in the second to last panel ... this whole page is just. wow.
Anonymouse 14th Jul 2017, 8:34 AM edit delete reply
Boy howdy this is gonna fuck me up ain't it
Blue 14th Jul 2017, 1:58 PM edit delete reply
Im so scared
kirin 15th Jul 2017, 3:50 AM edit delete reply
maybe this is wishful thinking but i think theyre both gonna be okay solely based on the header image and the difference in time
cactus 15th Jul 2017, 10:14 AM edit delete reply
god hell FUCK.... the emotions in this page are so incredible, the way lola's eye shinies come back while sugar's talking about how much she loves them, and the way you can just SEE the love in both of their faces when they're looking at each other... this is so good and my heart is beating so fast. @lola in the second panel, same
tyler 16th Jul 2017, 3:01 AM edit delete reply
IM CRYING THIS ISNT OKAY
moe 17th Jul 2017, 7:39 AM edit delete reply
i think a really curious thing abt this page that i havent seen anybody mention yet is how for the first half of it, lola's upper eyes look absolutely angry at sugar. like they're super glaring at her! it makes me think that means at this point lola is angry at or resents sugar for taking them to this point. especially because as sugar starts talking about how she feels abt lola, and why she wanted them to come with her, etc, the upper-eye-glare fades away as lola starts to understand why sugar asked this of them. (and this happens simultaneously as the light comes back to lola's eyes as they free themself from this particular anxiety/resentment/fear they've been carrying.)
anonymous 18th Jul 2017, 10:10 AM edit delete reply
can you love someone so much that you would live for them?
Guest 18th Jul 2017, 2:47 PM edit delete reply
oh man, with their eye shinies back, lola looks like they're gonna cry...
Guest 20th Jul 2017, 12:26 AM edit delete reply
i wonder if when lola said "ask me something", she was hoping sugar would check with her one last time, "are you sure you want to do this?"
mata 20th Jul 2017, 10:11 AM edit delete reply
just a few more hours
BPDGoat 20th Jul 2017, 11:58 AM edit delete reply
*mashes f5*
Guest 21st Jul 2017, 2:38 AM edit delete reply
sorry about the "jumps into --" comment! i thought the comment was a reference to joker from batman so thats what my comment was in reference to! I thought it'd have a better name than that but thats all anyone called it when i googled it