strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

107

6th Jul 2017, 12:00 PM
107
<<First Latest>>

Author Notes:

Nobody 6th Jul 2017, 12:00 PM edit delete
Nobody
"you said it made you feel empty, but you kept going. kept digging. digging in your heels, digging up old bones, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel.

now you're here. you're looking down. you're looking back. everything you said, everything you lived through, isn't buried under lies anymore, and you're realizing-- all that's left is a massive hole inside of you.
heeling isn't healing, and there is no light at the end of tunnel vision.
all you've been doing is digging your own grave.

there's a choice here: do you try to dig yourself out of this hole, or do you let the dead bury the dead?"
Post a Comment

Comments:

t. 6th Jul 2017, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
i just fucking died
t. 6th Jul 2017, 4:42 PM edit delete reply
just noticed, on the second to last on sugar's side (at least i think it's second to last), whoever's there looks like viscera? it's probably a long shot but i was wondering if it was actually her.
Nobody 6th Jul 2017, 6:22 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
yep.
aqua 6th Jul 2017, 12:01 PM edit delete reply
*SHRIEKS*

Beautiful page and beautiful commentary. This is by far by new favorite - seeing not just the expressions on Lola and Sugar's faces, but how they each remember the people in their lives. Absolutely stunning.
aqua 6th Jul 2017, 12:10 PM edit delete reply
anyways on a more coherent note, i'm really digging the 'fade to black' effect that scrolling through this page gives you
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
I like choice of color on this page.
Guardiangel 6th Jul 2017, 12:15 PM edit delete reply
Turned up the brightness to see the expressions on Shugs and Lola's faces. Ended up having a heart attack on seeing their memories on the walls of the Grand Canyon....
It's been a long while but I'm just realizing what all this has amounted to in the end. You really have create something truly beautiful
Fen 6th Jul 2017, 12:46 PM edit delete reply
-AAAAAAAAA
-everyone is here….. angel…. frankie…. jason….
-jason looks so happy in that memory
-DEVON
-the devon & laura memories are from the bonus comics, right?
-angel and elizabeth being paired is interesting in that theyre both the ones mentioned as driving sugar and lola (respectively) to suicide but the actions angel and elizabeth did are very different, as were their relationships with sugar and lola
-the colors oh my goddd the way sugar’s eyes and lola’s dreads are shaded just wow everything
-the contrast between their expression is gonna kill me. lola… she looks so scared
-the CRACK BETWEEN THEM AAAAA
-the wind lines that carry motion between them r really nice and flowing
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 12:52 PM edit delete reply
one more thing: just the word "parallel(s)"
Calph 6th Jul 2017, 12:52 PM edit delete reply
Wow, that's some beautiful composition. It really drives home the weight of all the relationships that have led Sugar and Lola to this moment. Whatever happens next, Drop-out definitely earned its climax.

Very appropriate that Angel and Lola's mom Elizabeth have the largest image on the canyon- their respective actions are arguably the biggest contributors to what happens next.

So if this is the wall of people that led them to this terrible fateful moment, lemmee do a quick roll call:

On Sugar's side, I recognize Frankie, That Shitty Lesbophobic Therapist Whose Name I Forget (probably the biggest "villain" to date), a very sour-looking Jack, poor innocent Angel, not sure who that is above angel, and (most interesting to me) the Disembodied Judgmental Eyes Of Delusional Schizophrenia up at the top. I don't see Sugar's mom Maria, which is interesting in itself.

I think we haven't been introduced to a lot of the people on Lola's side. They've always been a much more private person. But Jason, Elizabeth, and Devon all definitely played their part in shaping Lola. Something unsettles me about the fragments near the bottom of Lola's side- I feel like there may be hints of Lola's deeper traumatic experiences there.

Most important of all though, is the crack running down between the two sides of this image. Sugar said they were going to die together. But there's still something separating them, isn't there? How close are they?
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 12:57 PM edit delete reply
i think the person above angel is actually maria? i could be wrong though, i'm on mobile so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Nobody 6th Jul 2017, 1:39 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
that's maria, yep.
chalpal 6th Jul 2017, 12:57 PM edit delete reply
r we supposed to recognise everyone in the canyon ? i dont recognise some of them and idk if thats me being forgetful or if its on purpose
chalpal 6th Jul 2017, 1:00 PM edit delete reply
QUESTIONS ASIDE HOLHY SHIT THIS BEUTIFUL IM GOING TO CRY
Nobody 6th Jul 2017, 1:41 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
nah, a lot of them i just never got time to draw or write about even though i wanted to. some of them have been drawn a few times in past-tense art but never given names. i felt like it gave the two a sense of being More than just what the reader was given in the story.
Anonymous 6th Jul 2017, 1:32 PM edit delete reply
my heart is hammering right now, I can't handle this at all
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 2:10 PM edit delete reply
i keep coming back to that panel of jack. her expression reminds me of one my mom makes sometimes and its not a good one, trust me. fitting but also painful for sugar to be reflecting on here.
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 2:14 PM edit delete reply
also the panels of maria and jason are killing me, im getting such a clear image of them saying 'im proud of you' in those shots
Q 6th Jul 2017, 2:37 PM edit delete reply
the way lola is right in the middle...
is that dawn on lolas side? towards the top? its a little bit of a crowded image (for obvious reasons, not saying its bad)
sugar looks happy to go to the canyon. shes under the impression theyll all benefit from this, and most of all, herself. shes done all she needs to do to make this happen, said all she wanted to say, dealt with everything she wanted to.
lola looks. a lot less sure. this trip wasnt a planned one for them. when sugar said the difference between them and people who try to commit and regret it was planning and reflection over it, thats not the case for lola. its been what, four days? since she knew she was going to commit? all of which were filled with the trip. she never faced these people with an expectation to die. she has so many loose ends that she may have been putting off tying up but theres no time now. they may genuinely want to die but this is impulsive. they seem to have a theme of just going forward, with no sense of permanence, doing what feels good. like sugar said, suicide isnt romantic. its just painful. and permanent. now lola has to think about all the people she didnt want to. she can never find jason, never talk to her mother, never know if they had siblings, never say anything to devon, never make a better life for themself. but the question is, would they have ever done it? they probably had it in their mind, but the only real plan for their life that she told sugar was to move to heroin.
i dont think anybody would know. (Maybe.. Nobody knows)(this is a really bad time to crack a joke sorry)

anyways, this is a really, really incredible comic. like i know you must get that a lot, but its been a huge part of my life, or at least my thursdays, for the past year. it helps me deal with my own experiences with mental health and just how i look at the world with what i deal with. i think i was a lot like sugar when i found it, and while sugar is absolutely lovely, her mindset is not an enviable one. i look forward to comics you do in the future. cant wait for the next update.
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 2:41 PM edit delete reply
gee sorry one last thing, not a genuine question just wondering out loud: i wonder if lola really knows/remembers everyone on her side. they took a lot of comfort in people she didnt know needing them.
and
elisabeth looks. comforting. which is interesting.
anonymous rabbit 6th Jul 2017, 3:58 PM edit delete reply
i love how sugar's mom, maria, is on the same level as lola's dad, jason. both the most arguably positive influences in their life. both have that gleam of "i love you and im proud of you". the way you can see lola's tiny baby hands reaching up to their dad is Murdering Me.

and then, right below, Angel and Elizabeth. the arguably most negative influences in their lives, if anything can be taken away from their previous conversations. But there is a HUGE contrast between how the two see them.
Lola's mom looks almost happy, or caring. She's smiling, not looking down at Lola with a shrieking expression (though her upper eyes communicate some tension).
But Angel is barely even looking at Sugar. Angel is almost staring past her, looking vaguely uncomfortable or 'not all present'. They're not even smiling.

And I know I pointed this out on the patreon too but: Lola's memories has a lot of smiling, happy faces. Hanging out with Jason, probably one of the few happy memories they have with Elizabeth, a couple ex gfs, childhood friends and current friends. They're recalling their best memories.

Sugar's memories has a few smiling faces but mostly? It's times where she or someone else was unhappy or uncomfortable. I mean, look at Jack, look at the disembodied glaring eyes of Schizophrenia, look at her (obviously lesbophobic) therapist glaring at her.

Idk my point but
all that compared with their expressions? Things are not gonna go down well when Sugar says it's time to jump. I smell one last argument coming.
a 6th Jul 2017, 4:02 PM edit delete reply
all i can think of on this page is the quote " And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee.” it really just reminded me of how sugar has been figuratively gazing into the abyss since angel died, and finally it's looking back at her. it could also be applied to lola since she's been looking at someone who has been obsessed with death - an abyss somewhat in and of itself.
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 4:44 PM edit delete reply
It's honestly kind of unsettling to see how happy Sugar is about this, to finally be here and facing her death. She's had so much time to back out, change her mind, have second thoughts, but all she seems to feel is utter relief. Unsettling in a way that's like, her sense of self preservation, that instinctual fear that causes hesitation, is utterly gone. That after everything she has no second thoughts. I say this as a person who has contemplated suicide, but knows that I could never, ever go through with it because of that fear. It's just a bit eerie seeing that be nonexistent, in a situation where there's been so much time for those feelings to surface. To no longer care about what you're leaving behind, to just be so done with existence that nonexistence is only comforting.. it's really tragic. I don't mean this as a criticism of her as I understand why she feels this way, but it's just sad to think about, and is something I've always found sad to think about in people that contemplate and then go through with suicide over a long period of time rather than something quick and impulsive where there's no time for hesitation to stop them.

Lola is clearly having some reservations and fear and is not having a pleasant time facing the canyon. I hope she'll air her reservations before it's too late, for whatever difference it could make at this point. She's spent a lot of time on this trip numbing and avoiding, but now it's quite literally impossible for her to avoid it aside from going ahead and killing herself.

A lot of food for thought, as always, and I'm really interested in seeing how their conversation goes in this final scene.
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 5:55 PM edit delete reply
i find it interesting that devon is on the same level as sugar's therapist AND her mom....as well as jason is to sugar's ma. i feel they had similar roles as each other in sugar and lola's respective lives? based off of what we know about them currently, i guess

jesus i am so scared for next week's update tho slfkjsdlfdjsdsk
Guest 6th Jul 2017, 7:43 PM edit delete reply
sure would be convenient if a lesbian showed up on a motorcycle or something right about now
bluestar 6th Jul 2017, 11:13 PM edit delete reply
thinking about: "someone can have a lot of reasons to live and still more reasons to die."

also, this is an amazing page, i did like a double take when i first saw it cuz i was like "are those faces or am i imagining things" but they are faces and it's so cool!! so many elements of this page made me emotional thank you for this update
sc 7th Jul 2017, 12:29 AM edit delete reply
please don't make me cry like this it's too early for this
H 7th Jul 2017, 9:07 AM edit delete reply
thank you for this.
Peach 7th Jul 2017, 9:21 AM edit delete reply
Took me a while to realise those were faces on the side of the canyon there... This page is so detailed and cool, but now I'm nervous about the next update and what it might bring!
Anonymouse 7th Jul 2017, 7:46 PM edit delete reply
Last chance for last words. Better make them count, I guess.

God, the thing this comic does to me, dude. I love it but I've never been this worried about a story before (in a good way!)
a 7th Jul 2017, 8:26 PM edit delete reply
small detail but i really like that you can't see lola's upper eyes in this. great tension.
BiggerJ 7th Jul 2017, 9:18 PM edit delete reply
A subtle touch - Lola's upper eyes always show her real emotions - and for maybe the first time, we can't see them.
scully 8th Jul 2017, 5:21 AM edit delete reply
i stayed up all night 2 get to this page and now im crying. please dont die kids
Guest 8th Jul 2017, 10:56 AM edit delete reply
hole-y shit
Guest 8th Jul 2017, 2:37 PM edit delete reply
too soon?
too soon.
RD 8th Jul 2017, 6:41 PM edit delete reply
ugh im probably so wrong about this but just an observation: the images with liz and jack. you can see what looks like, i dont know how to describe it but like, wired windows? which are really common in, like, hospitals, ERs. i feel like that memory for lola is her mom at one of those Fucking Appointments, assuring a nervous and scared Lola it'll be ok, even if Liz doesn't think it will be. and then Jack, that disappointment...maybe after one of Sugar's suicide attempts? having to talk to Sugar about "why the fuck would you do something so stupid," or something.
Nobody 8th Jul 2017, 7:18 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
heya RD. you pretty much could not be more on the nose, actually. very astute!
89 8th Jul 2017, 10:09 PM edit delete reply
I keep coming back to just take in this page, just a very emotional ride wow. I thiiink I recognize a good amount of the characters on Sugar's side (more than Lola's at least) which makes me curious about some of the ones on Lola's side that I don't recognize. Really really curious about the characters in the first panels of Sugar and Lola's sides, the shark(?) looking character opposite to Frankie on Lola's side, and have been thinking a lot about the placement of Jack and Sugar's therapist both being opposite of Devon with a larger split between those panels. I always figured from the extra comic Devon provided guidance and advice that influenced Lola a bit, but in a more supportive way than Jack or Sugar's therapist did for her (more of the opposite) interesting because we could infer Devon told Lola that idea of not giving up to continue to carry on your legacy because of others that came before you and suffered to make change. Also interesting to me that both Sugar's therapist and Devon were in the extra comics and both gave input on Lola and Sugar when they were starting their relationship.

I like the idea of being struck with the fact we may never know who all of these are, represent, or what roles these characters played in Lola and Sugar's lives up to this point but damn if I'm not curious and can't stop playing with symbolism in my head.
... 9th Jul 2017, 2:36 AM edit delete reply
And when were together I can feel the space.
I want you so bad but the look on your face.
Tell me one thing that I already know.
You're not ready to go...
Primosphere 9th Jul 2017, 1:33 PM edit delete reply
Never has an image made me feel so uncomfortable, forget chucky dolls and sewer clowns, lola's missing emotions with sugars drugged out smile while staring down at everyone that ment something to them, is absolutely terrifying to me, and I dont know why
cactus 10th Jul 2017, 10:26 AM edit delete reply
wow... so much to look at here. for some reason the image of frankie is really getting to me. she looks very content and peaceful--i don't know, it's just got me feelin a certain way.

also, the pic of maria--is that at sugar's graduation? it's hard to tell but i thiiiiink those are grad caps on the figures in the background? and i remember sugar saying something about being the first to graduate college on her ma's side. in any case, that's another panel that's hitting me hard--maria's beaming expression, compared to sugar's blissful relief staring down into the canyon. i keep thinking back to lola's "you know how much it hurts when they go, too." there are so many facets to this and there's no "right" answer, but that's what makes it so realistic and relatable.
Guest 10th Jul 2017, 11:51 PM edit delete reply
(from page 85)
"sshhh... /should/ i stop? morally."
"no."
"what, what /should/ i do?"
"morally? walk away."
"what about editorially? advice-wise."
...
"just take the plunge, i guess."
Guest 11th Jul 2017, 3:26 AM edit delete reply
the fade to black here is reminding me of the fading to white on the last page, when lola wakes up
mata 11th Jul 2017, 5:45 AM edit delete reply
i'm not ready either, lola
mata 11th Jul 2017, 5:53 AM edit delete reply
also i don't quite recognize a lot of the people on this page, i feel like there must've been something i missed.
monkeyking 12th Jul 2017, 2:53 AM edit delete reply
monkeyking
OHHH my heart stopped
Ricki 12th Jul 2017, 5:30 PM edit delete reply
They're gonna break up with her
Guest 25th Jul 2017, 5:20 PM edit delete reply
nooooo
Maybe 12th Jul 2017, 10:16 PM edit delete reply
hmm,who are the two topmost people on Lola's side?
Guest 12th Jul 2017, 10:33 PM edit delete reply
the first one, i don't believe we've seen in any art of gray's before, but the second one iirc is devon's life partner, dawn, mentioned in lola's first extra comic?
Guest 12th Jul 2017, 10:54 PM edit delete reply
bottom one looks like Dawn, yeah