strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

101

31st May 2017, 12:00 PM
101
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Nobody 31st May 2017, 12:00 PM edit delete
Nobody
a second opinion: on carrion.
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Comments:

char 1st Jun 2017, 12:06 AM edit delete reply
i do love this page because the idea of living for other people has always seemed like such a flimsy reason. creatures are selfish, and they act for themselves. it's all rambling in my head but anyway i'm here early and i also find it interesting in the 9th panel lola's (top?) eyes being wide open i think you answered a commentor awhile back saying that they represent their inner emotions i think? so i think that's an interesting reaction to the question, lola almost does get nervous, giggling. that's what i get from this page at least
anonymous 1st Jun 2017, 12:08 AM edit delete reply
panel 11 - a shot of the canyon from outside the window? - made me strangely emotional :(
i've noticed the speed with which you've uploaded these and how concise and on time your schedule is about it - and i really admire your work ethic and can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to come this far. very well done, and thank you
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 3:54 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
thank you. it's been really hard and kind of unhealthy, but i'm a scrupulous person, and i knew i wouldn't be able to feel proud of my effort looking back on it if i was ever late with one, even once. i'm happy to have done this for 100 pages without missing a beat. it also means the story will be done faster than if i had been more lenient with myself.
anonymous 1st Jun 2017, 11:54 PM edit delete reply
thank you for responding!
i hope that after drop-out ends you're able to take some time to relax because it sounds like you absolutely deserve it.
Fen never shuts up 1st Jun 2017, 12:29 AM edit delete reply
1) the top 3 panels are a wonderful display of emotional range. you can really see sugar realizing the impact and seriousness of what lola just said on the previous page, and then the exhaustion (both physical and mental) in her eyes in the third panel, and even moreso in the 5th. tired of driving, tired of thinking, tired of worrying about this damn question thing when she just wants to know some truths about her girlfriend.
2) the PAIN in sugar’s face in panels 7 and 8, good lord. she looks like shes on the brink of crying again. I’m reading this as agonized desperation (muted due to tiredness and affect stuff), because shes had this on her mind, and she really wants someone outside to answer so that she doesn’t have to.
3) lola trying to play it off with a joke right before sugar drops that bomb, and then the shift in her upper eyes between those two sugar panels is just. lola style tension lowering -> OH GOD. but her bottom eyes are chill still. which i guess is what lets her blow off the answer for a moment.
4) sugar handing her the lighter…. i know what you said about smoking bringing them together, and i love that this is the only panel where they are physically close. The other panel showing them both, they look very distant. but this one is sweet and mirrors so many other times they’ve shared smokes or lighters. it feels very soft, almost like a breather after that heavy question. you can see the fondness in lola’s eyes. maybe that’s why she gets so serious about the question. maybe I’m wildly wrong tho.
5) I find it interesting that lola’s top eyes are looking away in her last panel. not sure exactly what it means. but they’ve been looking at sugar for a while. so maybe she is uncomfortable saying something so anti-suicide to sugar right now?
6) sugar’s expression in the last panel is. wonderful. perfect. the tension, the anger, the pain, but none of them boiling over. mostly what i see is determination. if i had to guess, i say she resents the idea of owing people anything, especially life, and that is making her more determined to end it because in the back of her mind she does really feel like she owes people her continued life and she wants to get it over with before that part wins.
Fen again 1st Jun 2017, 12:31 AM edit delete reply
oh and how could i miss "i think already know the answer" like first of all its think and second of all damn, sugar, cuz i don't think i do! so possibly sugar knowing lola well, but more likely sugar's difficulty understanding other people's internal worlds.
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 12:42 AM edit delete reply
What a fast update. Tension is reaching critical mass and life has only ever been cheap thrills and random tragedy. You've got writing chops Folie, anticipation has never been more palpable for a piece of media for me before and I look forward to seeing it through.
earthcell 1st Jun 2017, 5:26 AM edit delete reply
earthcell
The panel of the canyon really got me. This whole scene, the past few pages, it doesn't feel like they're in the car anymore. it's hard to explain. with the way the light is so beautiful, it really feels like the world is ending. Like they're standing in front of the end of all things, facing it so sort-of nonchalantly, really taking in these final moments.

I sound so sappy but that's just how it's making me feel I guess. Also something tells me this comic is going to blow up in popularity once it's over. That's how things have generally been lately, it's mostly going to be through people recommending it to others, maybe through fanart, I don't know. It's kind of a sad thought, that it might get so much more appreciation only after it's already ended. Now that I say that it feels like some weird metaphor, haha.
earthcell 1st Jun 2017, 5:42 AM edit delete reply
earthcell
i also just wanted to add that. this comic really is a large part of my life. i'm going to be so sad when it's over, but it's a bittersweet feeling mostly. i'll be happy to see how it ends, but not happy that it's ending, if that makes sense.
Peach 1st Jun 2017, 8:52 AM edit delete reply
That panel of the canyon, oh no...

Also, it's really interesting reading Lola's upper eyes as a better way of understanding their facial expression.

As someone else said, I'm going to be sad when the comic ends as well - happy to see an ending, no matter what it is, but sad that it's over. I'm excited to see what you do over the next pages.
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 9:17 AM edit delete reply
sugar and lola are so gay they forcibly updated the page at midnight rather than noon. their gay is too strong
MysteriousJeff 1st Jun 2017, 1:10 PM edit delete reply
I know I said it in private before but felt it's nice to sya publically as well that your pacing in conjunction with expressions are awesome and in the last two panels you can really feel the "camera" zoom in as Sugar's expression slowly changes!

And the panel of Sugar holding up the lighter for Lola is very gay it's OwO

Also Lola's dialogue here strikes me as very key, and important not just in an in-universe sense but an out-of-universe too, because I know myself it's sometimes really easy to self isolate and then feel disconnected from other people's lives but it's good to remember that even when you don't know it the connections are still there.
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 1:22 PM edit delete reply
i feel like lola's friend who said that was devon
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 1:25 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
tru
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 1:23 PM edit delete reply
also interesting how sugar is helping lola hurt herself in another way (the lighter and cigs being unhealthy)

also also the coloring and lighting here is so great, and the expressions and pacing too
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 1:55 PM edit delete reply
Cigarettes are unhealthy, sure, but kind of pale in comparison to Sugar only asking about her pill and alcohol use out of curiosity and asking if Lola wants to go on a one way road trip. That's generally considered to be extremely unhealthy behavior.
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 4:16 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
to me (as someone who has been in a lot of lola's positions), buying cigarettes is the least harmful action for someone who is going to smoke whether you like it or not.
cigarettes are harmful, but needing to posture at strangers to try to bum a smoke or figure out how to get them when you have no money is even more dangerous. if sugar just buys them for lola until and if they decide they want to quit, that is the least amount of harm that can happen. tangentially, this can be applied to lola's other addictions and suicidality as well.
thank you for the comment!
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 1:57 PM edit delete reply
ive been following your comic for over a year now, just wanted to say how im constantly impressed with your ability to convey atmosphere and expression, i also love your sense of construction... its very solid and knowledgeable. also the naturalistic quality of the dialogue. im really fed up with media that doesnt feel natural in speech, especially as someone who takes a lot of notes from verbal cues anywhere i see them, non naturalistic media sets an impossible standard and can exhaust me when i think about their speaking patterns. thanks for putting so much effort and so much self into this comic, its meant a lot 2 me as a NB lesbian who thinks about Death and Dropping out Every Hour Of Every Day (struggling w bpd&ocd primarily). this comic definitely makes me feel a certain way about staying alive even if the nature of this comic is not exactly uplifting, the way it transcribes to me makes me value life and the experience of living life a lot, especially considering the above special attentions to the feeling of existing with someone else in an intimate space like this (the isolation/proximity of a car and vulnerability of situation would be impossible to render intimately without heavy consideration of the air between the characters, the setting, the nuanced & telling every little detail of their dialogue), it really reads to me as a visual of what life is about, savoring how much goes into everything around you and everyone around you, its powerful 4 sure.

also an aside, im not super sure what major sugars in but it sounds close to if not psychology? or maybe she just has familiarity in that field? i relate a lot with how she uses and brings up information that relates to psychological research and how that factors into her life and interpretation of life. its really strange to exist as a very mentally ill person in a field that dissects the human experience in a concrete, empirical fashion... i often bring it up to justify why i feel certain ways or think certain ideas, and im often frustrated with myself for not being more dedicated to my study because it makes being defensive over being knowledgeable feel more validated (or maybe more literally just treated with respect for my ability to think about and interpret the world), i guess, and i found that kinda relatable if that is similar in why she brings up research during stressful, exhausting moments or even fleeting, inconsequential moments.

thx again sorry 4 long comment!
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 3:52 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
hey, thank you for the comment!
sugar's major is microbiology. she still knows a lot about general biology due to a switch in majors (which was originally talked about more on page 63, but cut and left with the ambiguous "used to want to be one"), and just a general fascination.
she knows less about psychology, but still more than the average person, just from general experience in psychiatric treatment.

and she spends a lot of her time researching and looking at scientific explanations because she doubts her own thoughts a lot, due to the way people treat her mental illnesses; science has evidence and is objective/irrefutable, though (in her opinion). it helps her feel grounded and in reality, among other things.
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 4:06 PM edit delete reply
OH! still very relatable haha. i thought she might be psych after the rat park mention, beyond generally being very familiar w psychiatry in a way thats definitely research on top of reception. usually when i see rat park cited it doesnt take into account newer research like her mention of it does and cites the original rat park experiments. im always sad when authors cite outdated pop psych that has made developments more interesting than the original experiment/s.

thanks for answering! microbio is cool, if you havent yet itd be very cute to see her in a lab setting, if you ever feel inspired to draw it. :^) have a good day!
anonymous rabbit 1st Jun 2017, 2:52 PM edit delete reply
i find it interesting how lola didnt answer with what they thought the meaning of life was. they answered it with what somebody else had told them the meaning of life was...

they're both so exhausted. and the canyon is literally right there right now. that's terrifying and saddening. they probably look and feel like they're at death's door right now, and they may as well be at this point.

i want them to be okay so badly, but i have a feeling non of this will end well.
ka-chow 1st Jun 2017, 3:34 PM edit delete reply
might come back and say more but ohhhhh boy sugar looks like shes feeling attacked in the last panel. i think earlier she talked about people depending on her, but now that its coming from lola, who depends on her the most, she has to defend herself.
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 3:35 PM edit delete reply
you might have answered this already but how does lola know all these french (?) words
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 3:43 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
check out page 89. lola took 4 years of french (there was actually more about why she took french instead of the standard spanish class in the original script, but it was related to race, so i decided to cut it).
she's rusty at it, though. in her speech, she mostly remembers french loanwords that semi-verbose english speakers are also known to use; you can see her try to conjugate an irregular verb incorrectly using the basic standard conjugation formula taught in beginner french classes on page 90 as well.
kh 1st Jun 2017, 4:56 PM edit delete reply
Like usual, I have a couple thoughts but I'm bad at putting them into an entire cohesive string of words. I'll try though

First one is that I've seen some other commenters bring up the rat park study and I think that is relevant here. The idea of living your life for other people (especially in Western and more individualistic societies) is really unappealing. But...humans /are/ social creatures. We are not meant to live secluded. We have an innate desire to please the people in our community and it takes a LOT of introspection to recognize something in society as wrong. In the rat park study, the rats didn't die because they were given social interaction.

It's understandable to dislike the idea of "owing" your life to other people, but there probably is some merit in that way of thinking. But when the people in your life have mistreated you (Lola with her mom and also probably the time they spent homeless, Sugar with being ostracized from her family) that sense of worth and belonging to the community is disrupted.

Not tryna say anyone's "right" or "wrong" with their way of thinking, just saying it makes sense why Lola's friend (Devon probs) would say that and it also makes sense why Sugar would immediately discard the idea, given the cards her life has dealt her.
Nobody 3rd Jun 2017, 6:05 AM edit delete reply
Nobody
thank you for the thoughts! i don't think either of them is entirely right or entirely wrong; there's nuance and context missing, some of which comes up on the next page.
qwertyuiopppp 1st Jun 2017, 6:49 PM edit delete reply
i've been postponing suicide because i always thought suicide was so selfish...
and, wow, i just realized,, i really dont owe anyone ANYTHING
my god,,,,,,,,,
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 8:33 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
STOP ME MID-SENTENCE WHY DON'T Y-
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 8:54 PM edit delete reply
I used to think like that too, sort of. I didn't really see it as selfish, but after someone I cared about found me after my attempt... I couldn't bear to put anyone through that much pain again. But even as someone who was following it (admittedly without having it pushed on me), that advice felt like some of the worst to give to a suicidal person. Guilt-tripping yourself or others into life sucks because that person won't be any less suicidal. It's not a solution. It's barely even a band aid on a gaping wound, it's like wrapping that wound in mouldy bandages. Hell, maybe it only worked on me because I was an outlier, or maybe I just never really did want to die.

I will say, as someone who at least thinks she has been in that place, suicide is... it's not a solution I'd recommend to anyone excluding some extreme outliers. I used to believe it sometimes was. That if someone truly, genuinely knew that death would be better than life for them that I'd support that decision. But then I read this and... I don't want Sugar to die. And she fits that description, she's put more thought into her own death than anyone I've ever known even if she shows doubts that she doesn't want to go through with it.
And I don't want her to die.
And I don't want Lola to die.
I don't want anyone to die.

...idk, that's probably stupid, but just...
...Fuck.
tyler 1st Jun 2017, 7:20 PM edit delete reply
well gosh darn on page 50 i saw something about it being halfway and so i was absolutely dreading today's update "oh jesus please tell me they don't die today" and blessed be your soul they have not died yet
sugar looks like she's a lot more pained by this all than she was before
lola is looking tired
they both look so ready for it to be over and its making me sad
Knull 2nd Jun 2017, 12:19 AM edit delete reply
getting attached to characters even though the whole plot is about them wanting to run away and off themselves
damnit
please keep going, i want as much of these characters as i can get.
Guest 2nd Jun 2017, 9:03 AM edit delete reply
I love this comic so much and I'm so excited for any comics you make in the future
earthcell 3rd Jun 2017, 3:47 AM edit delete reply
earthcell
I didn't notice it before but now I'm a little curious. It's not a big deal so no ob to answer this but maybe if anyone else here knows they can answer.
What is that little blue splotch near the edge of sugar's eye? Is it just lighting or maybe makeup ?

also i keep mentioning stuff i like im sORRY but i keep finding more. I really love how you frame each panel and how the colors and shading reflect the atmosphere. Like in the last panel the colors get a bit darker, the shadows are sharper, there's more detail and it zooms in a small amount. I noticed you did the same thing with Lola on the last page when Sugar asked her why she wanted to die. It's really cool how you can see that so much effort and thought is put into every single panel
Nobody 3rd Jun 2017, 6:03 AM edit delete reply
Nobody
heya. the blue near sugar's eye is due to light physics; it's called a diffuse reflection. you can see her blue eye do this sometimes earlier in the comic, and lola's hair does the same thing occasionally.
thanks for the comment!
earthcell 4th Jun 2017, 12:30 AM edit delete reply
earthcell
Ohh. that's really cool actually! I think I know what you're talking about, It happens with my eyes and I never really knew what caused it. Like I said your attention to detail is amazing.
Anonymouse 3rd Jun 2017, 5:52 AM edit delete reply
So. I just started reading this. Binged it all in one night.

There hasn't been a moment when I started crying, but I think that's good. For me, suicidal thoughts have never been about sadness. They've been about numbness instead, and that's what I'm getting out of this (JUST SO YOU KNOW, YOUR COMIC IS NOT MAKING ME SUICIDAL, IT JUST REMINDS ME OF THE GENERAL FEELING IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE I'M SORRY).

I've been seeing a lot of people on here say that they relate to the characters or the situations. I do too, to Lola especially and their seemingly near-total detachment from the world that's cropped up in the past few chapters. That's not a good thing. As my friends would put it, "it's very yikes."

It's troubling because I see a lot of myself in Lola, and with how the roles have switched (Lola at the beginning wanting to save Sugar giving in to the suicidal tendencies, and Sugar starting out as the one gung-ho about them killing themselves now seemingly almost begging Lola to talk her out of it), it makes me worried that that's how I'm going to turn out. There are times when I get so mindlessly self-destructive that I have a meltdown (much like Sugar's very recently), but afterwards, I turn neutral, like I don't care much about anything. The nonchalance they've taken on the issue, making jokes about it and all, worries me because I get the same way.

I dunno. It's 5 in the morning. I'm tired. I'm excited for the next chapter, but I can't get my words out in a coherent way.

Sorry for taking up the space.
Guest 3rd Jun 2017, 6:50 PM edit delete reply
I know you've said before that color variances between pages/panels/lightings don't mean much w/r/t symbolism but I really feel like there's something to be said for how Sugar's contrasting eyes are so desaturated as to look nearly similar in the early dawn light of the final day. She's tired, it's all been laid bare, the canyon is running parallel next to their road, there's no strong feeling or distinctions right now- just the liminality of the rest of the drive.
99 5th Jun 2017, 6:08 PM edit delete reply
i think it's really interesting the contrast and similarity here... between lola and sugar. What seems to placate lola (people, even people they don't know, depending on them) angers sugar (she doesn't "owe" anyone anything)
But these same things are also what hurts them... sugars feeling of being isolated from her peers (frankie's meds working for her and no longer being able to relate, sugars parents being controlling and not really asking her whats best) and rejecting/pushing away people, and lola's "go-with-the-flow" level of going along with others to the point of discomfort or harm to herself
not to say sugar doesnt deserve to push away some people or that lola is always around people who hurt them, but it's very interesting to me the ways in which they are opposite but also a bit mirrored
(hope this made sense, i'm not very strong at english)
Nobody 5th Jun 2017, 7:47 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
don't worry, made perfect sense! thank you for taking the time to comment!
you're right, being "opposites" whose differences make it clearer how similar they are a running theme between them that this scene will finally tie together.
that one anon 5th Jun 2017, 9:56 PM edit delete reply
oh my god, i just clicked on the first button by accident and i just realized how much your style has changed. sugars face has gone a lot from being curvy and cartoonish with less subtle expressions and more expressive ones, and lola having brighter and more breaky and curly 'locks, and the overall page being light and sketchy. now ur lines are so much more structured and are very defined in what emotion you wanted to get across. palettes look more unified and working together as a whole now. beautiful work. beautiful, beautiful work.
gimme a pepsi 5th Jun 2017, 9:58 PM edit delete reply
u should have your other ocs cameo in the comic before it ends!
Guest 8th Jun 2017, 3:18 AM edit delete reply
I really dont know how I want this to end

I live with suicidal thoughts prettymuch all the time, have for more than 7 years at this point, and I was scared there'd be some shlocky "life is wonderful, dont kill yourself, dont be selfish" message at the end but I'm thinking thats not the case

But since I havent seen anything dealing with issues nearly this deep end any other way, I'm not sure whats going to happen

I want to say I love it but I dont want to sound like I'm glorifying these kind of themes yanno

I'm here for the ride and I'm not gonna leave

I had a point when I started writing I swear

This is meant to be a positive review I'm sorry I'm really bad at emoting properly
Guest 14th Jun 2017, 8:56 PM edit delete reply
oh fuck just noticed, only one cig left aahhhaha