strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.


31st May 2017, 12:00 PM
<<First Latest>>
Save my Place Load my Place

Author Notes:

Nobody 31st May 2017, 12:00 PM
this comic was originally planned to be 100 pages.
it will be going over that number a bit. i don't have an exact number, but you'll know when it's over.

originally in the script, sugar said "cancer" and not "a disease".
the lore of the universe means that the existence of cancer might be confusing to people who know about it even though there is an explanation, so i decided to change it.


t. 31st May 2017, 12:04 PM
the expressions on this page are so good
kh 31st May 2017, 12:06 PM
I'm really excited for the next page because I'm curious if Lola's answer will change from the last time they were asked this question. Either based on what has happened since then or the fact that there is now the stipulation that she has to answer the question truthfully (or both)

congrats on 100 pages by the way! it's a huge milestone
josie 31st May 2017, 12:10 PM
love the effect of lola squashing up against the glass
fen 31st May 2017, 12:21 PM
1) god DAMN the colors are beautiful here. i love this palette. i’ll leave most of the discussion up to the artsier readers but its gorgeous.
2) is it just me or are lola’s eyes aligning more in the emotions theyre showing? like in panel 1, I’m reading a similar thing from both eyes. same in panel 15, 16, and 18.
3) sugar smiling when saying she regrets everything is interesting to me. it might just be her tired eyelids, but thats a real interesting expression for the context. i wonder if she’s thinking of the peace she’ll find in death. or knowing her maybe its a bitter irony type of smile?
4) as far as the words here… first, i wanna say thank you for putting in lola’s part. it’s how i feel about things and it’s nice to see that perspective. i also feel like it’s maybe foreshadowing/offering an explanation as to how they could live on after. lola doesn’t regret the things that brought her closer to sugar. she probably wouldnt regret going on a wild near-suicide road trip either, it’d just be part of their story.
5) I am the 10th person i suppose. I had an nearly-successful attempt and I don’t regret it. I’m interested to see if lola and sugar will mention the regret idea again if they do end up living. i don’t talk about it much, so thank you for giving me some things to think about.
Guest 31st May 2017, 1:20 PM
Right as I'm going through a tough morning because of a regrettable situation that I had been trying to repress for years suddenly rearing its head the comic updates and talks about regrets. Go figure. Back in high school there was an honest to god heroin den that I occasionally hung around to smoke pot. It was probably a positive experience because after personally seeing up close just how far down the hole that road goes I could never let myself fall into the pitfalls of opiates no matter how good they felt. However, there was a young child growing up there too. All she had likely ever known involved living in squalid conditions around heavy drug users and the only thing I could do was smoke pot in the same room and try to ignore the situation around me. The thought didn't even cross my mind that I could have done anything and shortly after I would never go back and actively try and forget about it until the memory came back this morning. All I can do is hope they're alright and live knowing that I didn't even pretend to want to help when it counted for something.
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 4:12 PM
heya. thank you for the comment.
not to try to absolve your complicated guilt since i know nothing about it, but, my father was a heroin addict. "heroin dens" are usually just the homes of addicts where they let their friends chill so they can do their business safely.
i lived with him until i was about 6. being removed from the situation, in my opinion, did not improve my quality of life much.
as seen with lola when she talked about foster care, children form strong bonds to their parents, and if the situation is always going to suck any way you slice it, they would still prefer growing up with someone they feel close to.
for a lot of situations in life, there is nothing you can do, even if it seems like it.
Guest 2nd Jun 2017, 1:51 AM
Thank you very much for taking the time to respond, I actually regretted spilling my guts on an anonymous comment to a web comic. It had just come back to me at a weird time and I saw an outlet. Later that day and even years back I had come to that realization especially since it truly wasn't a situation I was involved in, but with my own problems at the time it didn't help to catch a glimpse of something terrible. It's one thing to know the world is messed up through third party sources and another thing entirely to witness or especially experience it when you yourself are vulnerable and still figuring life out.
Nobody 5th Jun 2017, 5:32 AM
you don't have to feel bad! i'm sorry it's been weighing on you like that.
the world can be a pretty crushing place to live in, and i used to hate it, but now i do my best to turn that guilt and fear into something that inspires me to try and figure out how i can make it better.
Guest 31st May 2017, 3:58 PM
after that last scene, when i looked at the last two sugars in this page, all i could think was "SUGAR PLEASE DON'T LOOK AWAY FROM THE ROAD AGAIN HAVEN'T YOU LEARNED YOUR LESSON"
also, i love that the latter half of this page is an extension of the "everything/nothing" theme, with sugar as "everything" and lola as "nothing", it feels very satisfying imo
Cassi 31st May 2017, 6:24 PM
Is Sugar Lola's Angel?
kh 1st Jun 2017, 12:09 AM
that's exactly what I was thinking
char 1st Jun 2017, 12:02 AM
just curious- in the last page there was the moon?? i think? so sorry if I don't follow is this like purple moonlight, because it looks like a sunset but maybe i missed something
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 12:17 AM
it's dawn, before sunrise. the moon is still visible (technically... not in this case) because it usually is during twilight.
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 1:47 AM
this has such an exhausted, dreamlike mood, i really dig it
Guest 1st Jun 2017, 5:22 PM
"the lore of the universe means that the existence of cancer might be confusing to people who know about it" whoa, does that mean cancer rates are way down/nonexistent in this world, or am I reading this wrong? i know that furries in this universe are essentially just really genetically-modified humans, does that have anything to do with it?
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 5:53 PM
yes, genetic modification came from, first, a necessity to develop combats to cancer due to the alt history involving nuclear tech, followed by the commodification of said technology for personal consumption.
whether cancer rates are down or not is dubious (some species of animals are seemingly immune to cancer due to their genetics, like, say, whales, because they are massive and have so many cells that would make them very susceptible), but it is entirely nonlethal if it's treated... problem being many people are unable to afford health care or treatment, so many still die of cancer, even knowing they have it.
? 1st Jun 2017, 7:46 PM
Do you plan on printing & selling the comic (with maybe even the side comics)? bc i would buy it immediately
Nobody 1st Jun 2017, 8:43 PM
nope! it was designed for free digital distribution. i contributed to an anthology recently, and i definitely prefer making art for electronic media.
Guest 11th Jun 2017, 12:07 PM
"What makes them different from us?" "Impulsivity. Most suicides are impulsive. 5 Minutes. An hour. No plan. Just emotion."
well, maybe it was different for sugar, who's been planning this trip for over a year, but it was definitely impulsive for lola, who's the one having second thoughts about this whole thing. lola didn't go to sugar's house that night with the plan of agreeing to go on one final road trip, even if they are suicidal, because they didn't have a plan to die. if anything, they had a plan to stay alive because of sugar, seeing how they went sober because of her. i think that's why lola's top eyes look kinda peeved/surprised in panels 5 and 6, because sugar forgot that she's the one who had a plan, not lola.
also, its really interesting that sugar tries to distance herself from angel's suicide a bit by talking about regret as a statistic, not an emotion. sugar's probably either too emotionally worn out after her breakdown, or just a touch too dissociated, or both, to get too personal with the thought that angel might have regretted what they did. you don't have to examine yourself too deeply if all you do is memorize statistics (which i think you mentioned that sugar had to do a lot because of her bio studies, which makes sense for the "did you know" quote)
i'm probably not making a lot of sense at this point, but i just wanted to point out a couple reasons i really like this page. i can't want to see what their final decisions will be about this
Lobst 12th Jun 2017, 3:44 PM
Sugar's decision to wait a full year to proceed with her plan (as well as her repeated internal need to prove her intelligence) rings of a deep-seated desire to be authentic, which resonates greatly. When you're in the middle of proving to yourself that you're not an impostor, that you're not like the others, that desire to meet the goal can motivate you more than what catalyzed the desire in the first place -- which in turn causes you to be reckless, or to ignore the inner voice that suggests this isn't what you actually want. Sometimes that's a good thing, but this comic is an exercise in seeing that mechanism backfire in slow motion.

(The romantic ideals she's attached to the trip probably aren't helping any, either; not to suggest her misery or its catalysts aren't real or traumatic, but her need to play out the final act she's preemptively written for herself and Lola seems to be blinding her to what she's actually doing.)
Guest 13th Nov 2017, 3:01 PM
"what're you thinking about"
"what of 'em"

love how this parallels the pronoun banter during the diner scene. its so fun finding all these discussion doohickeys, its like a scavenger hunt.

"what of... they"
ccccc 10th Jun 2019, 8:54 PM
what i remember most about this scene is how quiet it was... the purple lighting, the pauses, the regret... the weight of "is that your last question?" hanging under the presumption that this will be sugar's last chance to get to know lola before it all ends. I think at the last panel, when i first read this comic, that was the point where i started thinking differently about this comic.

for a while, i got caught up in sugar's fantasy, her desire to escape this awful life. she seemed happy, excited, relieved, so i fed off of those emotions, too. but then, at this point, it was like, after 100 pages, it occurred to me that this was never some happy ending they were driving towards; it was just an ending. and i became really overwhelmed at the realisation that i didn't want them to end. i didn't want this to be sugar's last chance to learn about lola. i didn't want this to be their last way out. i realised that there was a lot about lola i didn't understand, and (as i always end up with at least one character imprinting on me while i read something) i desperately wanted them and sugar to grow closer. i didn't want them to leave each other. for the first time, it really felt like time was running out.

page 100, huh. wow.