i'm glad they both got to speak their minds so much in these last pages
this page means a lot to me, it hit me harder than i expected. I've been on both sides of situations that this echoes. i won't go in to detail but as you would imagine these moments alter the course of ones life.
i'm proud of lola for speaking up. her love for sugar is so powerful.
"and the smiles. no-one should be smiling about this. none of it's real."
sugar asking if lola's saying it was a joke with that smile on her face, the focus on lola's face and their eyes when they say "you're the light of my life". my heart hurts for both of them.
My heart wow. Each of the pages since the canyon scene started have been so well done, especially the expressions and colors. The red in Lola's eye shinies kill me (in a good way). And Sugar's expressions compared to the last page when she looked like she was in a euphoric trance from thinking it was actually going to happen. Then this. Also I really like the way the dialogue is written here, shaky speech bubbles and fumbling over words. But each week I'm just wanting more more more my heart is racing! I really like the way this story is going now and get so anxious for the updates, just very heavy and emotional and painful but relatable in a good way (for me at least) Thank you for making this comic.
Also I just noticed the similarity and contrast in context of Sugar questioning if this is a joke on this page and Lola asking if this is a dream when they first got to the canyon a few pages ago. Can't verbalize well right now but I just love that.
this makes me think back to the scene where lola assures sugar she won't turn around and hospitalize her and i cant help but think sugar is feeling particularly betrayed in this way that lola is going "no, i dont want you to kill yourself"--"no, i wont LET YOU kill yourself"--when, to sugar, she promised not to, which can go a long way in suicidal minds. and then the anger when someone wants to stand in your way, and the hurt when they try to stop you even though they know the pain you're in, and you feel so betrayed because you thought you could trust them, even when theyre doing it out of love, but it certainly doesnt feel that way in the moment, in the suicidal state of mind. at least, this is my experience with being suicidal and being reported about it
i remember i started reading drop-out last year when i was incredibly suicidal all the time and in that state of mind i saw the comic so differently. like, i took it for granted they would die at the end because to me at the time, that was the happiest ending as someone who feels this really hard and thought sugars plan sounded like a fucking dream. my meds now make it so that i am not as acutely suicidal anymore and its... disturbing looking back and how a different ending didnt even come to mind for me and i see things a lot differently now that im not constantly in that state of mind (although still lacking a passion for living lol)
anyway this is rambley i went to bed at like 5am i hope this doesnt come off in a weird way lmao
but if i didnt say drop-out didnt get me right out of bed this morning i would be lying. the anticipation of updates gives me the kind of excitement i used to have for like..my birthday or christmas or whatever and its amazing how wretchedly LONG a week can feel with that type of anticipation and drop-out has definitely been my...motivation? reward? for continuing to live this past year
when i was suicidal i didn't want. i didn't want people to just try to stop me constantly, to try and tell me lies or stand in my way or force me not to I just wanted them to Understand and be okay with it. I imagine that's how sugar felt too, and to see lola suddenly stand up to her and ignore the pain she's in to keep her alivee she must feel so damn betrayed.
I did not expect this at all. Part of me thought lola didn't want to die, that she wasn't ready to die, but hear her tell sugar she's living for her with those purely sincere eyes blew my mind a bit.
Ooooh god that's not what I was expecting but I love how this scene is going and I'm so anxious to see how it will end!
I'm so proud of Lola and I hope their words reach her. They can't solve all of Sugars problems with love and a good speech, but all they need to do is get her to leave the canyon alive. they (both of them) can figure out the rest later.
No matter how the story ends I'm so glad I've found this comic and got to follow it since almost the beginning. It's been an amazing ride and I haven't read a comic that's made me feel this much and think so much in a long time.
It's going to be weird to do a reread someday and not have any new pages to read. Going to try to squeeze in another full reread or two before the final update
Somehow, it has only just clicked in my brain what the eye shinies mean, despite seeing it pointed out in the comments several times.
I just... I really love how their emotions are displayed differently based on what species they are, and it is both inspiring and heartbreaking to realise how these tiny touches change the emotions of a scene. In this case, mostly heartbreaking.
yknow all the discussion about the connectedness of people and how suicide might drag those especially close down with them? ...the way sugar's looking out over the drop in the last panel and also that she's got lola's hand in both of hers, and also how much bigger she is than lola, and also also how lola's actions must be coming off as an incomprehensible betrayal to her esp in her raw and unmedicated state... IM STILL TERRIFIED OK, PLEASE DONT LASH OUT AND DO SOMETHING VINDICTIVE SUGAR,
lola's reasoning for dropping out (!) here on this page is reminding me of all the discussion wrt what their mental cocktail could be (since if i remember right gray wanted to leave them as a blank slate readers could project on?), and the speculation of bpd or dpd. she's so dependent on sugar, her life and death revolves around her, and it must be so hard to stand up to her but they can do it for her sake...
i'm so invested in these characters and i am Full Of Fear
i don't think that sugar will end up hurting lola via the canyon, sugar wasn't even sure at first if lola wanted to come and made sure they were 100% set on coming to the canyon (the "my ma would kill me if she thought i was drinking in the car" scene comes to mind), so i think at the very least sugar will NOT force lola over the canyon edge. she doesn't strike me as the type to deliberately disrespect boundaries, maybe minus the diner scene (although it's shown later in the comic that lola tends to keep Too Much to themself, and opens up anyways). i'm probably not articulating myself very well and there's probably better examples i could use, but ykwim.
what i'm worried about is sugar going through with it by herself, in front of lola, after they admitted that they only stayed alive for her...
yeah like. large, butch and mentally ill Sugar is, she has never been shown to be deliberately aggressive/violent/physical to anyone, even on impulse/reflex, save maybe herself. and in fact btwn the butch, mentally ill and carnivore thing it seems like she takes great pains to try to make herself non-threatening as possible. This far in, she doesn't strike me as a character who has that kind of vindictive/retributive wrath in her.
this really strikes me as the center to sugar's character in general, tbh. as someone who's also fat, butch, and schizophrenic, she seems like a very deliberate attempt to present someone that, because of stereotyping, would seem very aggressive and dislikeable, but in reality those assumptions about her pain her very much and sand any edge she has down to a dull corner. you start the comic wary of sugar, but as you read your assumptions about her are challenged, and especially if you have a mental illness or have struggled with trauma you open up to her just as she opens up to us and to lola - at least, that's been my experience. i've seen a couple of negative comments about sugar on this comic which i feel demonstrates my point, and that those people were just unable to overcome their prejudices to sympathize with her
honestly, it's funny - i just read back on this comment and realized i did the same thing lola did. i wanted to find a reason to hate sugar, because i saw so much of myself in her it was really like finding a reason to hate myself. and reading through you don't know how to feel about the fact they're planning to die, and it feels so far away and unreal, and all of a sudden at the end you realize you don't want to do it, and you realize that you can't hate her, and you can't hate yourself. you can't let yourself die. just walk away. maybe i'm just speaking for myself but lola really is all of us right now and has been for a while and we didn't even realize
YEAH sugar Just Jumping is another really big Fear. i hope that youre right and sugar wont try to drag lola down with her (or lash out at her physically at all!).
both the [DIALUP NOISES] look on sugars face as lola overturns so many of her assumptions about them, AND lolas vulnerability & selflessness in this scene, are relatable to me in bad ways and i cant help imagining a long list of Worst Case Scenarios
blue towards the canyon, brown towards the car. life, or death. something certain and concrete (dying), on uncertain and blurry (walking away and trying to live again).
I'm really, really hoping that for once, a piece of media dealing with the topic of suicide, and portraying it in such a realistic manner, wont end on some shlocky false hope that suicide isnt the answer
Obviously its not up to me, I'm not writing this, it'd just be nice to see things go in a direction that nobody ever talks about or even considers for a change. I dont want a happy ending, I want a satisfying one
Whatever direction this goes, I'll have enjoyed the ride. You're a hell of a writer, and most of my favourite media I havent liked the endings to anyways
i don't think that if they live it's a "happy ending".
like, it's common that torture is usually worse than death, that death/suicide is merciful when one is suffering so much. if they both live, it'll still be insanely difficult for them to live. mental illness doesn't go away. learning how to cope, i think, is much more difficult than ending it. living can be incredibly tortuous.
I really like the interrupted/restated thoughts in dialog here...especially Lola's "I thought" sentence getting dropped and then not picked up again until 6 panels later...the dialog in this comic is always good but it's SO hard to write this kind of tangled/emotional dialog where the speaker interrupts themself so it really stands out here
that's something i noticed too! gray once said that lola's top eyes are meant to express how they really feel, like shifting away when they're trying to remember something or when they're thinking - and this is the first time i can remember that they've both been focused on sugar for a prolonged time, right as they finally get the courage to tell sugar they don't want to do this. i found that very powerful
sugar's expression in the last two panels feels so like.. really familiar to me bc i was in a very similar situation (somewhat) recently and the feeling of having a friend talking to you trying their very best to keep you alive (and you feeling very betrayed by it) is just so impactful tbh. also the dialogue feels very real and lola's emotionally talking to sugar is... good
just realized lola "dropping out" at last minute mirrors sugar dropping out at last minute, this comment doesnt mean anything [marg simspon voice] i just think its neat.
I haven't read this since last summer, and I'm honestly ecstatic that I remembered it existed! I missed out on all those Thursdays :( I also wanted to say I love how your art style is so different from the first pages! Keep up the good work! Also, @ the story, AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
gray, I just want to say that it's difficult for me to get emotional about anything while I'm sober under nowadays, and that the panels of this webcomic have consistently managed to deliver the feels. I've related to these two characters more strongly then any other in fictional works. ifI described what I get out of opiates I would't word it any differently then lola does on page 89, you hit that nail on the head. Anyway, I'm really grateful that you've taken the time to craft this masterpiece of a webcomic and felt like I needed to say so.
this page means a lot to me, it hit me harder than i expected. I've been on both sides of situations that this echoes. i won't go in to detail but as you would imagine these moments alter the course of ones life.
i'm proud of lola for speaking up. her love for sugar is so powerful.
sugar asking if lola's saying it was a joke with that smile on her face, the focus on lola's face and their eyes when they say "you're the light of my life". my heart hurts for both of them.
excellent page as always!
OHHHHH MY GOD WAS THAT FORESHADOWING FOR THIS SCENE
i remember i started reading drop-out last year when i was incredibly suicidal all the time and in that state of mind i saw the comic so differently. like, i took it for granted they would die at the end because to me at the time, that was the happiest ending as someone who feels this really hard and thought sugars plan sounded like a fucking dream. my meds now make it so that i am not as acutely suicidal anymore and its... disturbing looking back and how a different ending didnt even come to mind for me and i see things a lot differently now that im not constantly in that state of mind (although still lacking a passion for living lol)
anyway this is rambley i went to bed at like 5am i hope this doesnt come off in a weird way lmao
but if i didnt say drop-out didnt get me right out of bed this morning i would be lying. the anticipation of updates gives me the kind of excitement i used to have for like..my birthday or christmas or whatever and its amazing how wretchedly LONG a week can feel with that type of anticipation and drop-out has definitely been my...motivation? reward? for continuing to live this past year
when i was suicidal i didn't want. i didn't want people to just try to stop me constantly, to try and tell me lies or stand in my way or force me not to I just wanted them to Understand and be okay with it. I imagine that's how sugar felt too, and to see lola suddenly stand up to her and ignore the pain she's in to keep her alivee she must feel so damn betrayed.
I did not expect this at all. Part of me thought lola didn't want to die, that she wasn't ready to die, but hear her tell sugar she's living for her with those purely sincere eyes blew my mind a bit.
and "try harder to make me hate you" FUCK DUDE
i can't wait another week AAAAAAAAAA
I'm so proud of Lola and I hope their words reach her. They can't solve all of Sugars problems with love and a good speech, but all they need to do is get her to leave the canyon alive. they (both of them) can figure out the rest later.
No matter how the story ends I'm so glad I've found this comic and got to follow it since almost the beginning. It's been an amazing ride and I haven't read a comic that's made me feel this much and think so much in a long time.
It's going to be weird to do a reread someday and not have any new pages to read. Going to try to squeeze in another full reread or two before the final update
I just... I really love how their emotions are displayed differently based on what species they are, and it is both inspiring and heartbreaking to realise how these tiny touches change the emotions of a scene. In this case, mostly heartbreaking.
Me: *backflips off a cliff*
sugar: *backflips off the cliff*
lola's reasoning for dropping out (!) here on this page is reminding me of all the discussion wrt what their mental cocktail could be (since if i remember right gray wanted to leave them as a blank slate readers could project on?), and the speculation of bpd or dpd. she's so dependent on sugar, her life and death revolves around her, and it must be so hard to stand up to her but they can do it for her sake...
i'm so invested in these characters and i am Full Of Fear
what i'm worried about is sugar going through with it by herself, in front of lola, after they admitted that they only stayed alive for her...
both the [DIALUP NOISES] look on sugars face as lola overturns so many of her assumptions about them, AND lolas vulnerability & selflessness in this scene, are relatable to me in bad ways and i cant help imagining a long list of Worst Case Scenarios
ALSO
LOLA'S GENUINE CARE AND LOVE FOR SUGAR AND THEIR SPEECH TO SUGAR AND ABSBJSKJSAGYWGY
SUGARS EXPRESSIONS AT THE END TOO. SHE'S FINALLY COMING BACK TO EARTH AFTER BEING IN A HAZE FOR SO LONG
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
blue towards the canyon, brown towards the car. life, or death. something certain and concrete (dying), on uncertain and blurry (walking away and trying to live again).
Obviously its not up to me, I'm not writing this, it'd just be nice to see things go in a direction that nobody ever talks about or even considers for a change. I dont want a happy ending, I want a satisfying one
Whatever direction this goes, I'll have enjoyed the ride. You're a hell of a writer, and most of my favourite media I havent liked the endings to anyways
<3
like, it's common that torture is usually worse than death, that death/suicide is merciful when one is suffering so much. if they both live, it'll still be insanely difficult for them to live. mental illness doesn't go away. learning how to cope, i think, is much more difficult than ending it. living can be incredibly tortuous.
I really like the interrupted/restated thoughts in dialog here...especially Lola's "I thought" sentence getting dropped and then not picked up again until 6 panels later...the dialog in this comic is always good but it's SO hard to write this kind of tangled/emotional dialog where the speaker interrupts themself so it really stands out here