strong content warning for themes of suicide and drug use.

99

25th May 2017, 12:00 PM
99
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Author Notes:

Nobody 25th May 2017, 12:00 PM edit delete
Nobody
blue hour.
this scene is one i've been waiting to do for a very long time, about the question "is suicide morally okay?"
it's a shame that it took such a long time to happen, but i felt that it made the most sense to have this scene AFTER the effects of angel's suicide on sugar's mental health were made obvious, which i wanted to happen very late in the plot.
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Comments:

t. 25th May 2017, 12:00 PM edit delete reply
these are literally the most beautiful colors i've ever seen in my life
bluestar 25th May 2017, 12:05 PM edit delete reply
the lighting on this page is lovely.. also with the bit about adrenaline helps me understand why i've had that exhilarated feeling when i was a similar position as sugar an lola. also it's really interesting how much detail is put into like, the actual plan and where this would happen on sugar's part/on the author's part, it makes the whole thing feel more.. realistic, i think.
kh 25th May 2017, 12:15 PM edit delete reply
"Ww...hat're you thinkin' about?"
"You."
"What of it? What of...they."
marty 29th May 2017, 5:02 PM edit delete reply
i noticed that too! it hurts so much because originally it was like.. sugar wanted to share this special moment with lo because sugar loved lo a lot and was so excited about this and now all she can think about is angel
Guest 25th May 2017, 12:20 PM edit delete reply
I've been really suciedial lately, like more than usual, and haven't been able to have access to help. But I'm trying very hard to make it through this and I just wanted to tell you that this comics has been helping me a lot. I feel alone, crazy, and disgusting usually and you're comic helps me feel not alone and not bad. Thank you so much for the great art you've created
josie 25th May 2017, 1:07 PM edit delete reply
last scene was sugar lighting and now we're into lola lighting
Guest 25th May 2017, 1:40 PM edit delete reply
I find it interesting that, like... at the start of the comic, Sugar was insistent on not bringing or taking her pills with her because she wanted to go out feeling like herself, but now that she's here, she's wishing she had them....
Nobody 25th May 2017, 2:07 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
"some garbage is good" -sugar kysley circa 2017
Cassi 25th May 2017, 1:54 PM edit delete reply
The comic starts with Sugar claiming "let's do it together, it'll be so romantic".

Now...now it's purely out of guilt (or so it seems to me). It's no longer about Lola and Sugar, it's about Sugar and Angel.
👏 25th May 2017, 3:00 PM edit delete reply
and definitely not about Velma and Lois
Mellon Collie 25th May 2017, 2:20 PM edit delete reply
Damn is Lola doing her best to stall, taking a nap would only leave her stone sober at this point. I wonder how they are going to take staring down the edge itself.
Guest 25th May 2017, 2:27 PM edit delete reply
wowow comic 99 . cant believe dropout is this far in already but its kept me captivated from page 1. im excited for 100, lets go go go
..... 25th May 2017, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
im gonna be honest with ya this comic is keepin me alive right now
im sorry i dont have much to say but thank you for the most beautiful and heartfelt thing ive ever read
r.q. 25th May 2017, 2:57 PM edit delete reply
i was just wondering to myself "what is lola thinking about..." when i got to the panel where they ask sugar what she's thinking about... hmm

i like the contrast b/w "maintenance required" & "perfectly good car"... i mean, even "perfectly good cars" need maintenance sometimes so it's not like sugar is wrong about that (especially with all the research she's done regarding like, every aspect of this trip, so presumably including the car) but i think it's interesting that they're on the same page here idk (unless it's also been showing up previously and i just don't remmeber)

love love love the coloring/lighting here especially
r.q. 25th May 2017, 2:58 PM edit delete reply
*remember sorry, and by "it" showing up i mean the maintenance signal thing
Nobody 25th May 2017, 3:55 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
nope! there was a shot of the dashboard panel on page 54, and the maintenance and engine lights weren't on. the engine light came on because of the spin-out, the maintenance light is simply to tell her she should have her oil changed (after driving so many miles).
tangentially, the amount of miles they've driven since that scene is also on the mile counter here.
Guest 25th May 2017, 4:11 PM edit delete reply
imagine all the people who care about you are connected to you by a vein connected to their wrist. the closer your bond is, the thicker and stronger the vein is.

when you commit suicide, you fall into a void, pulling those veins down with you. those with weaker veins will be able to snap them, but it will still hurt. those with bigger veins can snap them if they pull, but the wound will be bigger and take longer to heal.

those with the thickest, strongest veins however, will need to do a lot of work not only to sever the vein, but to heal the wound as well. if they cant sever it, they might be pulled by that vein into the void with you

(idk if this makes any sense or is good at all but this page inspired these thoughts and i wanted to write them down)
Nobody 28th May 2017, 3:25 AM edit delete reply
Nobody
this sounds kinda similar to some junk i wrote at the beginning (conceptual) phase of this comic. more poetic than i had written, though. thank you! it's a really apt metaphor.
Peach 25th May 2017, 4:54 PM edit delete reply
God, I'm digging those colours.
I'm so nervous to see how this turns out!
kirin 25th May 2017, 5:48 PM edit delete reply
i feel like sugars blue eye will be very important/prominent in this scene
chalpal 25th May 2017, 6:56 PM edit delete reply
i feel so bad for lola,, getting strong vibes that she dont want to do it
Anonymous 25th May 2017, 7:03 PM edit delete reply
This is so good, seriously the most authentic and real thing I have read in years. I hope they don't kill themselve though. I like the characters too much for that now ;_;
Guest 25th May 2017, 7:52 PM edit delete reply
Whats Lola holding in the second panel?
Nobody 25th May 2017, 7:56 PM edit delete reply
Nobody
pill bag, 2 pills left. she's fiddling with them inside the bag by moving her thumb around.
cactus 25th May 2017, 9:51 PM edit delete reply
"...it'll be okay. this'll all be over soon."

this line struck me particularly hard for some reason--on one hand i really want sugar & lola to be okay, on the other hand as someone who's been suicidal there's a comfort in a line like that. all of the tension from the earlier scenes was released wonderfully with the spin out, but now there's a new kind of tension--not tension, exactly, but... anticipation? makes me feel nervous, but in a completely different way. but at the same time, it's almost peaceful. just take a nap--the time will pass, it'll be over soon, everything will be over.

oof. heavy stuff. glad to get more info on where in the canyon sugar's taking them--i was wondering that myself earlier. and, of course, beautiful lighting and colors as always. the anticipation in this scene is building perfectly, considering we're so close to the end--feels very real. thanks for making this comic
Guest 26th May 2017, 5:28 PM edit delete reply
i just wanna say i love how much youve improved since the beginning of this comic, its really inspiring
tyler 27th May 2017, 9:28 AM edit delete reply
sigh
im getting nervous for these characters
this is getting serious and its messing with me
at the beginning sugar was all "yeah come on lets go go go"
and seeing this evolution is kinda unnerving
Guest 27th May 2017, 6:47 PM edit delete reply
did you write it as "velma and lois" on purpose, instead of "thelma and louise", because it's like an alternate universe?
Nobody 28th May 2017, 2:31 AM edit delete reply
Nobody
yeah, it's copyrighted so i changed it, used "alternate universe" as an excuse. same deal with all-mart.
hermes 27th May 2017, 7:06 PM edit delete reply
seeing how tired sugar is after this trip, i'm wondering why she didn't fly to the canyon in the first place - she's old enough to rent a car from whatever airport she goes into, or to find some other mode of transport, but she decided instead to drive all the way across the country.

i can't remember if this was talked about specifically looking back at the first pages, she'd been planning to buy the car since her plan essentially started. so all along, the *trip* seems like it was as significant as the jump (the long fall before the short stop at the end?). maybe this was another aspect she thought would be "romantic", or something akin to a pilgrimage in honor of angel. or a way of stopping herself from backing out once she started. (at one point she gives lola an out, saying after that it would be too late to turn around, but the fact that she knew where that point was indicates was thinking about the point of no return in the first place.)

one of the things that gives me anxiety is that even if they did decide not to kill themselves... where would they go? the car may be on its last legs, sugar would have to face her family and explain that they were right about her, about treating her as a time bomb, about hiding the knives, unless she comes up with some REALLY damn good excuse. what do you do when you literally throw the rest of your life into a plan, preparing for an apocalypse, that you start having doubts on? it's starting to feel inevitable from a narrative standpoint even. with how tired they are, they may not even be capable of driving back.

my hope, i think, is that rather than ending things at the canyon, they say fuck it all to their old life and keep going. i don't know where to, and i doubt they would either, but it seems like the only way out that makes sense anymore.

maybe they'll take up living at the edge of the canyon haha that would be poetic
Nobody 28th May 2017, 3:21 AM edit delete reply
Nobody
heya! thank you, this is a really nice comment. there's several reasons to "why did sugar save up for a car instead of flying or renting"; some of them i can't say yet, but i think you're pretty on the money with what you thought.
sugar mentions her mother tracking her phone on this page. the controlling nature of her parents (for the 'sake of her mental health') was originally a more prominent theme in the story, but was toned down to keep the focus on the tension between the two main characters instead. nonetheless, her parents knowing what she buys and when was a motivation for her to slowly siphon enough money for a trip. she was also on heavy suicide watch from both her psychologists and her parents after angel due to the well-known phenomenon of suicide contagion; hence the year-long wait.
another reason is that without a car of her own, she'd have no insurance, and she is the kind of person who would already likely be denied for a rental car due to being "high-risk" (adhd is correlated with car crash statistics, among other things).
one other thing-- sugar has mentioned heavy investment of her self-worth in school and "trying everything" first. i feel like she wanted to die knowing no one could call her a quitter or a drop-out.
i hope that was interesting to read! i can't comment on your thoughts on the ending, but i really enjoyed them.
Guest 28th May 2017, 5:48 AM edit delete reply
What you said definitely interested me, I can personally attest to dropping out being one of the worst possible feelings out there because of the crushing realization of personal failure and recognition of actually being lesser than the 'average' person because you couldn't hack it and your outlook on future prospects easily becomes grim. I dropped out of high school twice. First during a period of worsening mental health and drug abuse, the second time after my best friend had simply fallen into a diabetic coma in his sleep and suddenly died. Years later and I can still remember that physical sinking feeling as you have to turn your back to school a failure for the last time and everything that implies.
ka-chow 28th May 2017, 11:46 AM edit delete reply
that looks like a very "lightbulb" moment lola, whatre you up to??
anyways this is a really really beautiful page.
theyre nearing the end and it looks like thats giving sugar a relief and lola anxiety, theyre trying to pack in as much life as possible and sugars not really registering that. seems like her intention is to get to the canyon and finally be done. honestly if sugar trusted lola to drive there she would take her own advice and nap. i dont think sugar is going to have any real second thoughts about this. she looks tired and in that especially pessimistic state where everything just seems bad and you just want to finish what youre doing. and the task sugar gave herself was to get to the canyon.
lola though worries me. even if she didnt jump, what would she do? devon said that they all could give them an out but theyre states away, she would have to make a long drive back in the car of their dead girlfriend, which would take a tremendous amount of emotional strength, the guilt of enabling the whole thing, and just taking the car and running. lola didnt drive sugar to suicide but theyd have to drive themself back from it. its easier to just follow sugars lead.
i wonder if sugars moms would be the type to blame lola if they didnt jump, or even if they did. really i wonder what both of their opinions of lola are now even, if theres even much of an opinion there.
and possibly seeing the pain of sugars moms would probably also be weird for lola, seeing how much they care, in their own overbearing way.
another thing i find interesting is the amount of care for material things sugar has, but the denial of the hurt that the people around her would have to go through. i think she kind of sees people as either like her or unlike her (in the therapy comic) and she kind of assumes that if something is the case for one of those sets, its not the case for the other. angels suicide affected her so much and im not sure if she saw a lot of open mourning for them from the rest of her family, or if that was overshadowed by guilt and feeling blamed for it. and lola is like her in her mind, just wanting to leave the world that wasnt made for people like them.
if lola decided not to jump, i wonder if she would say something or just, not go down with sugar.
sorry for thinking out loud so much but wow this page, this whole comic, is really incredible and i really appreciate you making it.